Randomness (15)

hey, im asking for something that is closer to base..not somewhere near base.. again another COR.. the timing of getting that msg doesnt come any weirder.. we use the matra set and tune to other division channel since we started the duty.. J division to be precise.. every msg that comes through the matra set, we just listen to it and laugh it off the way the text of msg is send through.. at about 4 in the morning.. everyone was taking a rest..so i take the matra set and tune to the lowest volume.. my ears just pick up a voice that say, "pls activitate k-9......" i wish i didnt hear that.. i donno why.. i was reading previous day newspaper and listening to FM 98.7 music.. but that voice make the matra set volume seem to be the loudest..
text of msg: "foreign worker's permit is stolen, suspect to be an II, run towards the forested area at Choa Chu Kang rd, near Jalan Lekar" what a day to end the duty like this..

i think i sleep too much that triggers the headache.. and she make full use of it to msg me back not to go for her.. kao.. she must have a bad day in work that cause her to msg like that..

does everyone really goes through what i've been through? i dont think so.. she vent her anger on me, breaking up friendship.. did anyone from her side experience that.. pls msg me to prove me wrong.. as far as i know, i didnt complain one bit to her..didnt change her.. willing to suffer for her..willing to wait.. willing to incur her wrath again just for the sake to be with her and to understand her..

i didnt ask for her decision..lol.. but the day after her birthday, i have to outwit her thinking and to convince her and to assure her.. whatever it takes.. and also hopefully..that will not be the second and the last time i get to see her..

Randomness (14)

im not asking for an activation call from COR.. argh.. is this something special that i ask for to make my day better.. no.. maybe something closer to base.. like an intrusion or IED exercise.. i have yet to experience that in my 3 months there..

man, she could just tell me where's the place for her birthday celebration.. donno how to describle, tell me more about it when the time is nearer.. what sia.. now i know the place..hehe.. but still donno which floor.. lol.. major details are been ironed out.. but minor details seem to be missing.. hmm..

Randomness (13)

went out today and see Robots.. overall feel refresh at the end of the day.. i dare to say that she have inject some ideas in me as to how to make use of the time..

i msg her today whether i could meet her next wed.. but she couldnt make it.. so she suggest meeting either on her birthday celebration or after her birthday.. i take both..hehe.. what to do..have to be thick skinned what..

she say that if i come for her birthday celebration, im might feel awkward as i donno anyone.. but i assure her that she is the one that i know..also can take the opportunity to know her parents and friends..

earlier on, she mentioned to me that she is not ready for it at this moment of time.. guess i have to slowly build her confidence up and be there with her..

Life in K-9 (5)

i have this tiredness in me which i cant describe.. it not mentally or physically.. is the work that i been doing since coming to k-9.. work 2 days off 2 days that in a way, my body have adapt to the timing.. the work for me is definitely not my cup of tea..even when my team leader ask me about signing on, i give him an answer straight away without hesitating..

is there a challenge in guard duty?
is there anything to do besides sitting in the duty office, eat when your stomach ask for food, rest when needed or read newspaper just to pass time?

to me, both answers is no.. a definite no no.. i know myself more than anyone else.. i know what i want..i need challenges that able to inject this dull lifestyle im coping right now.. some kind of surprises along the tour of duty, or something out of the blue happen..

i have yet to take a leave.. i might take one in order to get away this lifestyle for a moment.. i told her about it, and she suggest writing letters, poetry.. my mind at this moment is not working.. maybe i need a recharge to make my mind works again..

as for that DO of mine..im too numb and tired to say anything.. if you want to show me atittude to me..i will do the same back to you.. everyone in the team is trying to throw a brickbat at you.. the way you have portrayed yourself in the team is not going to work.. maybe just for your own race..right..

is been a long time since we last met in our training ground..she have passed out earlier to undergo training at brani.. as such, i feel that her absence had make my heart grow fonder of her.. i intend to ask her out this weekend.. hopefully she will agree to it.. =)

Life in K-9 (4)

haha.. the new intake is here.. tomorrow 2 of them will be joining our team for the tour of duty.. today teach them about the SOP of the duty office, sentry hut and bring them around the base.. esp the prowling points.. hehe..

oh.. good news never come at such a good time.. i was told that i will be taking dog in april.. and will be taking narcotic detector dog..haha..and could even go to the roving team..as the team needs people..

i feel that God is definitely in control of my life.. knowing what i want and also able to meet my spiritual needs.. if i were to posted out to Woodlands checkpoint or Airport sub base, i have to do shift works which sundays are been burnt for nothing.. but as for roving team, i only get to work 5 days a week.. no need to come back during weekends to work..

as for her.. hmm.. the signs look promising..hehe.. talk to her online for 3 hrs..lol.. the topics seem endless.. play games, send mp3 songs and also discussion about her big day.. =D

send her two very unique sms to her this morning and last night.. only she is able to understand the meaning.. =)

Life in K-9 (3)

argh..friendster is getting suckier and suckier.. cant even see the latest testimonials..or the pics.. worst of all, very lag..

one of my colleague ask me to take care of his dog when he takes leave for holiday at shanghai.. his dog is a bitch who is on heat.. her name is kim.. everytime i went to the kennel to take her out for a walk during my tour of duty, she will bark and demands to go out before i took the leash.. the actual problem comes when she is out of the kennel.. i never leash her, she doesnt want to run.. i leash her only, she wants to run.. the handler is back from the holiday and i told him about it.. guess what he say? "good dog are like that one mah.." i got no comments to shoot him back.. never mind..he is back to lecture the dog..hehe..

my DO is getting more and more attitude problems.. ya ya only.. think HQ is his place and can anyhow order people.. stop abusing your authority.. just because you are a regular and holding a corporal rank doesnt mean that you run the show.. without us, you can survive in HQ for so long meh.. dont wish to learn about the operation of the duty office, say lah.. got difficulty only, call us.. still say, "i know i know.." only know how to get along with the people with the same colour.. racist.. and i feel that he is deteriorating the spirit of Bravo.. kns.. i just keep quiet only..i dont wish to blow up the matter.. just quickly get a dog and leave the team.. without you, Bravo wont be in this state..

ho ho..monday, new intake will be coming in lor.. haha.. i heard 8 will be coming in.. 5 will be kennel hands and 3 will do base guard.. taking over us huh..haha.. yup.. i told my officer that i will take a dog..only narcotic detector dogs only.. and he ask me to tell my Team Leader to send an email to him..lol.. hopefully we could get the narcotic detector dog course asap.. but at the meantime.. there is no news..so i guess i have to wait..

Surprised phone call

YES!!! she is back!! the one that i knew in my training ground.. the one that surprised me with a call.. the one that took the initaitive.. the one whose plan is still intact.. though i know that she likes me through the girls that i talked to.. i have to act "ignorant" now..=P

Door closed

she have shut herself up literally despite offering my help.. be it in msn, friendster, sms or phone..she just doesnt want to pick up or reply back.. she is confused, i know that.. but that is definitely not the way to do it.. she is just that stubborn, she just want it her own way.. i cant do anything either.. just have to sit down and wait till she have the answer that both of us been waiting for...

Things are still the same

"she have this plan which is flawless and safe. nothing could ever find fault in it. this plan is too perfect. From the first phone call, to a testimonial and even the confession which i make, the plan have it all.. she deliberately keep asking me, "what is it?" when she know what im going to do next in the confession.. i was the one who make the wrong move esp the "misunderstanding".. i lost the war and the battle..and even her..but her plan still works in her way, her perfect way."

im now really taking one step at a time.. that is to wait for her.. i still like her.. the above about what i say is sincerely from my heart.. i have this belief that she and i can really go through thick and thin together.. i dont wish to talk about the one in my life.. as not to raise my expectation too high that she cant meet or to put pressure on her..

Special Priority First

lol..now i know what is SPF stands for.. not Singapore Pig Farm.. is Special Priority First.. why? regulars are given the priority to get the dogs..and only narcotic detector dogs.. not security dogs.. they can just ask to transfer to k-9 anytime they like..kao.. i mean, i dont mind girls getting narcotic detector dogs..but guys who sign on? they should be given general purpose guard dogs.. man..i hate those regulars who is in k-9.. males regulars especially.. they just took everything that we, the only 3 left in the intake not to take dogs, have to suffered.

i feel that im fighting for a lost cause in this situation.. is it fair? of course not.. if in the first place we get to choose what we want in the first place, why cant we get what we want now? force us to take something that we dont want, like in this case, taking security dogs..hell no man..

if my officer agree to what i say that i want to take dogs but only narcotic detector dogs, and also citied that the priority given to 116th intake and dont care about the previous, then he better make sure he should do what he have say..

i know that to some, im kinda selfish..but try stepping into my shoes, either you will keep quiet or make a fuss out of it.. if i deem it to be very fair, i will have shut my mouth off and continue my duty for the rest of my NS days without complain. yup, this is the reality..this is the working world.. hai.. im not complaining..but a request to make my NS a more memorable one..

NS dilemma

argh.. im facing an even worse problem now.. im in a dilemma.. sigh.. today had a meeting with my officer regarding about taking dogs because the 117th intake is coming in anytime this week..

i ask my officer, "if i agree to take dogs, what dogs will i get to take?"
and the reply was, "i dont know.." kao..now i know why so many people hate to hear this answer..and he gives us till wednesday to give him the answer..

if i say yes, i will get security dogs..which i dont like..i dont want to go to prisons just to walk around the perimeter with my dog..

if i say no, i will be stuck in base guard.. no life..and is letting my life to rot for nothing for 1 1/2 yrs..

if i say yes but i want to be on the waiting list for narcotic detector dogs..wonder what will my officer reaction be?

before he go back home after office hrs, he ask me again, "how is it?"
"i donno, sir..but the probability of getting security dogs is higher than narcotic detector dogs.."
"where you live? do you have any idea that base guard is the most glamourous duty in k-9?"
"around balestier area..huh..i cannot sit down and do nothing..im a restless person.."
"you want narcotic detector dogs, right? i give you"
"haha..sir, your assurance not very convincing leh.."
and what he did next prove me right..he give me an evil smile..

come on, give me something that makes my national service an enjoyable one.. 5 months of regimental training and 3 months of base guard duty doesnt make my life colourful..to me, is very dull and all around it is black and white to me..just give in this request for me..

worse come to worse, i might opt for driver pool.. doesnt seem to have a destiny with dogs..dont ask me to sign on.. government have let me down very terribly.. sign on only prolongs your suffering..so what we earn 4-5 times of what a normal ns man's allowance get yet cant get the satisafaction that you and i wanted to have..

hai..no mood to talk.. after i know my verdict on wednesday, then i decide what to do next.. government give us 2 yrs of allowance to do nothing.. i dont think is enough lor.. i mean, why dont you provide for us when we intend to use that time to study..sigh..i think im an anti-government liao..

The one

uhm..someone has ask me to take over and do all the initiative.. cool.. thanks..but at this moment, i still have some personal matters to attend before i could really committed myself to it.. i dont wish to carry this burden with me if i enter this new phrase of life.. pls give me some time to settle these problems and also in a way, able to give yourself a much needed break..

about the one in my life, i dont want to say anything. im just quietly confident enough. all i can only say is that she is very different from the ones that i have 'chased' or girls that i know.

Over before it started

oh well, guess it all over.. someone dont want to say..i also cannot do anything.. but have to find out myself.. sigh.. btw, is not that she donno what i blog..is that i have guess it all correctly that she is too shy to say it.. right?

this note is specially for her....

"before we meet, she already took my heart and wrote her name in it. 3 months of wonderful memories painted the picture so well that people just stared and admired. after that, we went through an emotional roller-coaster ride where our faith in each other is put to the test. She held my hand throughout the whole ride without realising it. When the ride was at the highest point, i too held her hand and never let go. But she wanted to let go to feel the exhilaration of the ride..throughout the ride, our faith strengthened, bringing us to a new level of understanding where no one dares to venture, everything just fall into place so prefectly that it has form a complete picture for me and her to see..

Though she has written her name on my heart, she didnt intend to break it either..she has wrap it with all her care and concern that my heart is too hard to break..She has been with me throughout since the day we know each other..she was with me mentally and spiritually.. giving me encouragement during my training theory exams..while i give her my blessings for her final driving test.. the bond is there..the chemistry is definitely still there..even the spark..

the ride has ended..but we are mentally tired from it..i will still continue to help her and be with her as long as my determination and preservance is there to see..and not extinguished at the last min.."

In the dark

can someone pls tell me what is going on now?? i seem to be in the dark.. does my blog really that hard to understand or confusing to you.. look, whatever problems you have, dont keep it in your heart..share with me.. people who know me will know that i give a very fair opinion irregardless whether im direct or indirect to the problem..

man, if she only have a blog and able to let me know about it, i wont mind keep it for her and able to read and understand what she is going through now..

the last msg she sent was on 17/2/05.. and after that, nothing is heard from her despite smsing her and calling her.. the silence is just too deafening that i msg her today.. and at last i get a reply..

i really wish to hear from her soon and that i able to help her solve the problem and that she will be happy again..

Randomness (12)

hai..today wanted to have a swim but rain prevent me from going out and keep me in bed till afternoon..the weather is just too cooling to move around the house..

yesterday my friend ask me to meet at simei..i was like, "of all places?!?!" but then i still go lor, hai..on the way there, can see so many PCG..one guy still wear in his half-U.. pls lah, tuck out for goodness' sake..i dont wish to see someone beaten up for nothing..

the list seem to growing everytime i speak out to different girls about the problem i had.. now it's 4..
1) Shu Juan - ITE classmate
2) Min Ci - IRC pal for donno how long, still haven meet..hehe..
3) Esther Li - ITE schoolmate, buddy's wife..hehe
4) Wen Qing - Another buddy's friend..
all walks of life but same in answer.. can any girl out there able to provide a different answer when i say out..

erm..someone told me that i can understand girls.. lol, ever since im in secondary school, i interact with girls more than guys lor.. i think all the girls are the same.. hai.. this is what i find out:
rule of thumb: whenever they are sad or angry, never ever take their words seriously.. they doesnt mean what they say..
2nd rule: just offer them what they want when they are angry or sad.. make them happy will do the trick..

oh yah..someone is playing hard to get huh.. hai, whatever lah.. i dont see myself out of the race so fast for the time being..

Questions for her

do you know what is your expectations or needs in a relationship? does the guy in the relationship able to meet your needs? are you going in a relationship just for the sake of going or just follow your heart or in a way the guy able to meet your needs? dont go for the sake if you follow your heart.. you should also consider what you really want and need in the relationship.. if not, no matter how many relationships you have go through, it will not last long.. if the guy could meet all your needs, your expectation, what you really want.. then he is the one for you..

i have provide a way out for you.. you should know what to do.. i know you are confuse right now.. either lose one or lose both.. i know that my chances is not here yet.. im still not stable yet for a relationship.. i feel the time is ripe to say what i want.. wait is one thing, but able to meet your needs is another.. no matter what position im in now, be it as a friend, brother in christ or a rival in love to you, my only advice is there for you to see..

you should know what is your answer to it.. by then i will also know my fate..

Love her with all your heart..

Interesting email i have come across :

Love the girl in your heart, not in your mind. If you
base your relationship on feelings, it will fail for
there are ups & downs in feelings. Girls are there
to be loved, not toyed around.(needless to say anything)

Love her for who she is. Don't even think about
changing any bit about her. 6 billion people in this
world & 6 billion different personalities. She's
special & she will stay that way. You change any
part of her, you'll change her forever. Don't
substitute her for anyone else, they are just unique
in their own ways.(i never change her even though she wants to be bad tempered, stubborn or even having a split personality)

Love whole-heartedly. She sacrificed a lot for you
so you'd better really treasure her. She could
have just got up & date a so much more dashing
guy in town but she chose you instead all because
of love. So love her guys, not play with her.(offer my heart to her also can..)

Don't just get the girl to beg you to stay or
whatsoever. If you're with her, love her. Don't cause
a strain in the relationship, you'll end up loving
each other out of pity or charity, that's not
respecting love at all. Respect love the way it is &
everything will be the best it can be.(i respect love and respect her..)

Don't expect perfection from her. She's the only
one in the world & she's done the best she could.(i know she is not perfect that why i still loves her..)

Like another girl while you're in a relationship?
Then I think it's time you remain single for a while.
Don't go around breaking girls' hearts, it's the most
tragic thing to do.(haha..find it extremely hard to do that, my heart can only take up one person..)

Tell the truth, never hide anything from her. If you
want her to tell you everything, do the same. Don't
go calling other girls "honey" or "darling", how
would it feel if your girl calls other guys the same
way? Be faithful, enough is enough.(tell the truth, nothing but the whole truth..)

Socialise only when you're single. You socialise &
flirt around is to get the girl of your dreams. Get it
over when she's already yours, don't ask for more.(socialise..haha..when i become desperate)

It never kills to be romantic. Think, be flexible.
Getting that diamond ring isn't the only gift for her.
Be realistic, she's human & she lives life just like
you. Something sweet & simple always get the job
done. Money doesn't exist between couples, it's
the love.(using money to buy love..forget it..sincere is the way to go..)

Never promise her that you'll love her forever
because your forever might end the next day. Love
her as if each day is the last.(i didnt.. i want to experience the love with her..)

Sweet talks only apply for singles, not for attached
guys. Do that & you'll really break your girl's heart.
Isn't good being too well-known too, it'll give her a
sense of insecurity. Remember, INSECURITY.(haha..i dont sweet talk..just be yourself and be sincere..)

Promise her & make sure you never break it.
Swear to her & make sure you keep it. Pledge
your love to her & her alone.(did that..)

Loving her is giving her your heart to break it but
trusting her not to. Instead, she'll cherish it &
protect it. That's love. Give her your heart, your
life, your everything.(i offered her..)

Lay down your life & prepare to die for her when
the need arises. But stay strong & live through
another day, she can never live without you.(my actions speak louder than words..)

Never, ever walk out of her life. She won't just cry
her heart out & carry on living as per normal, she'd
die. It her heart that you've broken, how would you
ever know how she feels? (i will never leave her..)

Winning a girl's heart isn't the final victory. Don't
leave her once you've won her love. Love her all the
way till the end of time, love her till marriage, love
her till old age, love her till death. If you can love
her till the end of time, you've earned the honor &
respect for you've truly loved her.(yeah..that the way man..)

She chose you because she believes that you can
fulfil your promise. Win her heart & love her over.
Remember, the girl isn't a trophy for display, she's
someone to love, not to show off to your "friends".
Stay humble yet proud that she's the one for you.
Respect her for the way she is, never despise her
& never mistreat her, never even think of toying
with her...(i wont do that in the first place..)

Last entry

today will be the last day i blog the things between the two of us.. if not the whole blog site will just be the two of us.. nothing but the two of us..

firstly, i realised something when i was on tour of duty last night.. i remember that whenever there is cracks in the relationship, people tend to be in denial, agitated when asked or give false assurance..i donno how many people have told you about it in the first place..but it seem that i was the unlucky person whose asshole looks bigger now for nothing.. look, you know fully yourself about this relationship right from the start.. yet you have been extending deadline time and time again..this awkward feeling you and i have it..for me, i feel it's already unbearable.. i know you are trying to be tolerance towards him..and to me too.. despite what i blog between the two of us, you either seem to be tolerating or doesnt seem to give a care.. i know that i cant order you who to love.. i have been very "quiet" since the misunderstanding..but i know that you have been reading my blog.. i feel that my actions is still not strong enough to send the msg across through this medium..

secondly, despite what you have done in the friendster as in creating a profile for your bf, whether there is a testimonial or not, i already know that you are behind it..

thirdly, may i know what are you treating me for? a rugged doll waiting to be throw anywhere, at your disposal? when i want to give up, you didnt say anything.. now when i dont want to give up, you ask me to..

lastly, dont compare him to me or to any guys out there, be it past or present or future.. all is unique and different in character..

if you could accept him as a bf in the first place, why cant you accept me on the other hand? are you expecting me to change just for your sake.. if i accept you for who you are and what you are, and didnt ask you to change according to my liking..what right do you have to change me?

im just like a dog been locked up in a kennel, waiting for the owner to come and leash me up, ready to meet the challenges ahead outside of this world....

anyway, this will be the last entry between the two of us..i will be MIA now..for the time being.. but my heart still longs for you.. i will still blog occasionially...

Indifference treatment

ever since we have clear the air over the misunderstanding, you been providing me info through friendster.. if you are cold and dont care about me, you wont have send that "things aint the same anymore" but i still feel that warmth you have send to me..

you dont want to pick up my call, is fine with me..you dont want to reply to my msg, is fine with me too.. you dont want to chat with me online..is fine with me either.. you want to be good to me and bad to me the next.. i have no complains about your so-called "split personality"

every opportunity that you throw at me whether good or bad, i will grab it with my both hands..

Prankster

wahahahahah..i couldnt stop laughing..oh, pls.. im really rolling on the floor laughing the way someone actually did this... i donno.. someone have created a friendster saying that he is the bf of her.. his name.. the date he join friendster - feb 2005.. and his profile was everything about her.. i feel it has been very poorly done..

only friend he have was her.. his profile was all about her.. put on 4 pics..1 cat cartoon, 1 pic about her, 1 movie poster, and 1 male in suit drawing..

yup, i know that he is great in drawing.. but why dont show his face? you want someone as a casanova to be your bf.. the way the profile is done seem to indicated who did it.. you posted what you want in the bulletin board and now you apply it in this manner..

if i posted the link to it, i guess it will definitely brighten up the days for us.. im not going to think anything to it nor did you create any doubts in me neither did i feel jealous about it...

hai.. want me to stay off track? you only make it more worse to yourself.. if there is any changes to it as according to my blog.. i can definitely say for sure that you are reading my blog.. i guess next will be the testimonial..yah??

*Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off*

Waiting for the day

no matter how you going to write the msg in it, i know that you are still willing to give me a chance.. what i want is to be more than friends to you.. i want to be your bf.. but i donno how long you are taking this 'vacation'.. i will still wait for you.. i wish to hear from you that the words coming out of your mouth is a positive answer.. i really will like to experience the love with you.. you didnt reject me as far as i know from that confession.. im not afraid for what is going to happen in the relationship...but im afraid that you wont give me the chance that i long for..

i donno when this day will come.. but i know that the chance is still there..

hope you are better now.. rest well and may the Lord strengthen you that you able to face the challenges ahead..

Doubts answered

all in all..i have solve every doubt that you have present for me.. i shall reveal all to you here..

1) right from the start of our friendship, you already know that i will go for you and you are just waiting for me to confess to you.. but i didnt think of that in the first place as i sincerely want to know you better.. no wonder the first phone call was trying to tell me all about your past relationships..

2) in the first friendster msg, you mislead me that my feeling for you liking me was wrong.. now you mislead me once again in the last 2 msg where i cant see what you see as we wear different shades of glass.. you knew all along that somehow i will get to see your picture.. i already knew something was going wrong when i view your friendster profile status from "just married" to "in a relationship"...but i just keep quiet.. and again you sms me about trying to clarify with me about the 1st friendster msg when you were at his mom's birthday party.. again i keep quiet.. i try not to interfere your relationship wherever means i can.. but somehow i got it in your way and lead to the misunderstanding..

3) even in this misunderstanding, you know that it was not a misunderstanding at all..i was right and was able to see what you have see.. though i might be slow in catching what you trying to say, i still try to understand what you trying to say from those 2 msgs.. no doubt tat every point in your msg have a meaning to it.. i believe i got all your points in those 2 msgs..

4) i donno how long you have been reading my blog because i know that i did post the website add in my msn nick.. i know that you have read it all, no doubt about that.. what i have written in the past is how i feel at the point i was blogging.. no hard feelings for that..

5) whether is this a test for me, i donno.. but i believe that you can see that im not a jealous person, nor forcing people, neither did i ever feel insecure about you..asking you where you are all this kind of questions..

6) the latest 2 testimonials that your friend and your cousin have given you and in return you also give them back what you think of them in the testimonials..i believe these 4 testimonials are for me to know.. your friend's birthday was the same month as me except that i was older than him by 3 days...

my mind maybe slow.. as i hate to put on my rusty thinking cap..but i still take the effort to read the msgs again and again to know what you trying to say.. and you use friendster as a medium to reach out to me as an attack zone.. while i use my blog to counter back..no wonder i feel so suspicious that what i had blogged, someone will just throw a lifeline to me..and i didnt know it was you till i have to find out on my own.. nice plan and challenges you have given me.. no doubt you still have this element of surprise.. i dont think you will say me 'oversensitive' again.. as long as you give me the time to prove, i will give you the answer that you want.. but as for now, i will not disturb you for the time being.. i will still wait for you.. i still owe you 2 meals for what you have done for me and what i have caused you.. i will wait for you when you are strong enough to face the challenges again.. i love you princess..

Expected moves

i expected it anyway.. no matter how cold are you, i was not stun at all.. neither am i disappointed that you are not surprised..

8 months is not a long time nor a short time either.. and you go through 3 relationship..guess you are feeling tired from all the problems, and the solutions that you have come up with to solve it.. i dont mind if you already intend to take a rest from it.. i will still wait for you..

i will still be there for you no matter if you dont wish to tell me anything.. if this is your decision, i wont disturb you..

no matter how you going to change to make me lose heart, is very hard now.. i already accept you for who you are and what you are..i look into the heart and realised that you have a heart of inner beauty where no one appreciated..

to me, the past is a memory to me.. the future is the one that im looking forward to..whatever i wrote my blog in the past, im not holding it but treat it as sand in the wind..

i dont believe that your feelings for me will fade away that fast.. you are still holding on the hope when i say, "i give up" given that i dont wish to be influence in your relationship.. i have put in effort to know you, given though i was labelled as "over-sensitive".. i dont mind that despite you saying to me so many times.. you vent your anger at me, i didnt even raise my voice nor use capital letters in the msg to prove my point across.. yet, i offer myself as a venting machine to you..

certain times, you just want it your own way.. whenever you have negative feelings in it.. this is one unique character i dont see it in others.. you are just so special to me that i have high regards to it..no words can explain that kind of feeling..only through action you and i have show it to one another.. i know right from the start, you already show care and concern to me.. even in that misunderstanding that we had..

i know you are heart broken now.. you just want to be alone.. you just want it in your way.. but i know that you didnt meant what you say.. i believe i understand you more than anyone else..

in my eyes, you will forever a princess to me.. i love you.. i will still wait for you.. wait till you are strong enough to face the challenges in life again.. take a rest my princess..

Unlikely scenerios

suddenly im facing with the unlikeiest scenerio where her current relationship will break up and without knowing the reason..now dont get me wrong at this moment..i facing 2 possible solutions to it where she only have the answers to it..

1) IF, yeah, a very big if, the relationship fails because of me, i wont give her the chance.. because i believe that in the end, all will suffer..i rather distance myself away from it.. hope she will see this picture...i dont want to be selfish..i can only help her along the way but not in this kind of manner where she is willing to give me a chance in it..i dont wish to give her stress either..i can only give her moral support in other things..but definitely not in this..

2) if the relationship fails because of other reason, the chances are there for all to see.. i just want to know her better than anyone else..so that in a way, im able to prepare myself for it..

both situations, you all able to see how much i like her despite difference in reason.. to me, she will always be a princess to me..treasure her..be there with her whenever she have a problem.. i willing to be a punching bag to her..willing to offer my shoulders for her to cry on..i just want her to be happy everytime..

at this moment, i donno whether she is still having this relationship..if it is, i wont do anything.. so long she is happy and able to solve the problems together as a couple, i will also be happy for her..

Taking one step at a time

wahaha.. my blog has become a site to extract information about me.. im fine with that.. as long as the freedom to write what i want and no one bother.. i will give my 2 cents worth..hehe

"as far as your relationship is still going on, stay committed. cherish the person beside you. to me, as long as you are happy with who you have, what you are, i wont hesitate to offer my blessings to you. so long as you are happy with what you have, i dont mind giving up once and for all just to see the happiness and the smile on your face. there is no way i will feel heart broken, or jealous about it. i just want you to be happy." you know who you are..

though im stubborn, i dont mind letting go as long as the other party is happy. i'm definitely still content where im standing now..i know my position now much more clearer..learn to let go when it isnt yours.. be more open-minded.. im not fickle minded..

true to my feelings, i knew it that someone indeed is reading my blog..now all the attacks have been stop.. concidence? nah..i know that you want me to know more about you..but this is not the way when you are still in a relationship..i rather have a clean and fair fight to it..but i guess i have lost the fight to it..

my stand right now is : Single, available, free.. giving up is more easily to let go when you see the other person happy..

i donno about the future..i taking one step at a time right now.. only time will know what lies ahead..

Perfect timing

hmm..timing is so perfect sia.. ever since i stop contacting her without getting to know her better..but the info just continue to come in through friendster bulletiin board and her testimonial..her latest 2 testimonials also give me some info about what type of person is she..

i've a very sneaky feeling that someone has been reading my blog in relation to the problem..especially my fear that she will break off the friendship and the very next day, the fears were unfounded.

timing is just too prefect to see anything wrong right now.. all the puzzles seem to fall into the right places at the right time.. i have no doubts but to have some suspicion about it.. i will rather distance myself from her current relationship and assess the situation myself rather than trying to break the 2 of them up..hai..the way she do things only make me wonder, will all of us suffer if she let go one and go for another? or should i really give up and give them my blessings in order that i will not be labelled at a third party or worse still, relationship breaker..hahaha..

hai..at this moment, i couldn't do anything..but to act as a spectator watching from the stands.. if the relationship fail because of me, i wont accept nor give her the chance.. i cannot be selfish.. as far as this thing is concern, i will not do anything..

Best of both worlds

hah...she has initiate the attacks once again..through friendster bulletin board..but i dont like the way what she is doing now.. she is getting the best of both worlds through me and her current bf.. hai..donno lah..if she thinks that way is the safe way..i got nothing to say..

Opinions

oh.. there is one more girl in the list that think that she likes me.. that 3 now..lol..hai..i was not expecting this kind of answer..since that the case, i also cant change the fact either.. =/

Cant be bothered

right from the start ever since i confess to her, i was right all along the way. i knew that she like me but why she want to say otherwise? since that is the way, why she still wants to go into a relationship with that guy? hmm..hai..donno lah..dont want to waste my brain cells.. my brain cells now all very tired to think because of all the problems i have faced recently..

i've been leading by a person who likes to beat around the bush..hai..esp the last two msgs...so hard to decipher..wah lao..i already know that she also cares for me..that why i tell her i want to give up in order not to be influenced by her current relationship..i been repeating this to her so many times yet she doesnt want to accept it..sigh..so stubborn.. her 2 msgs also reveal alot of answers to me..hehe.. but i not going to msg her or do anything now.. i want to take a break!!!

those 2 msgs will be kept for reference..hehe.. at least i know how to handle this type of girl.. i been there done that before.. when all the problems come at the same time, how you face it tells it all..

i dont want to know what is her next move..i dont care anymore..she wants to initiate the moves..i let her..i very tired and sian already...

Low profile

Since now has all been settled, all in order or whatsoever, i been very tired since the ordeal..mentally and physically..

i wont do anything now..not even going to sms her, msn her or whatever..i wont give up but i want to take a break from all these nonsense..

Risky move

wahahaha..my fear is once again unfounded..did a very risky move in friendster..because she deleted me in her friendster list..and i try to add her again..which she didnt do anything to it for the last 4-5 days.. if she reject, that means she stumble me again..if she accept, that means all is forgiven..

but in the end she accept back..phew..

trust me, the game is now on...want me to wait, i wait now..

In a fix

im very tired of all the thinking and all the things..sigh..i really need a break from it..im mentally and physically tired.. guess i really have to confess to everyone who been following this.. i really dont have the heart to give up on her..i find it too hard to give up without a fight.. i just dont want in a way been influenced in the relationship, that why i tell her that i give up..i always hope that she is happy everyday with her new found love. i think i can see that she is indeed happy with her bf.

hai..but i screwed up everything ever since i confess to her.. i guess i really dont have the chance..i really donno..only she and God knows my chances. i have say sorry to her for what i have done, i msg her that i wanted to treat her to a meal for all the hurt, anguish and anger that i inflicted on her..but she haven replied.. i donno..i fearing for the worst that she is indeed intend to break the friendship..

1) take one step at a time?
2) wait?
3) give up?
4) all the above?

argh..im really going crazy and feel really sick about the way things turn out to be..somebody, pls help me!!!

Twist to an ending

hmm..there seem to be a twist in the ending..haha..in the first place is just an misunderstanding..then later she replied back to the msgs where i find it too harsh, too unfair and cant find any justice why she wants to break the friendship. Firstly, this is the first misunderstanding that we had, and before this, our friendship was good to say the least. we didnt quarrel to such an extent that our friendship was in doubt. i know that i was very stubborn in saying sorry to her, that why she was angry to me.

i know that she doesnt really meant what she say in the msg..and i already apologise to her...through this misunderstanding, i only get to know her better.. is just that we dont have the opportunity to get to know each other better, it wont happen in the first place. i know that she had vent her anger on me, but i still keep my cool..i didnt leave her in the lurch when we got this misunderstanding.. at this moment, i only treating her as a friend and as a sister in christ..nothing more..nothing less..

i offered to treat her to a meal as a result of this misunderstanding and also in a way inflicted hurt, anguish and anger in her. until now, she haven msg..but i take her silence as an agreement then..hehe..donno lah..wait for her reply lor..or else another misunderstanding again..

i find this is the only way to really keep your cool even when problems come all at the same time..no matter how angry you are, you cannot solve the solution just by thinking all for yourself and also have to consider the feelings to the other party.. i definitely learn alot of lesson..even if she got any problems and want to vent on me, i really dont mind at all, just to make her feel better.. i just making my position as a brother in christ clearer to her..i guess you people out there might be thinking about my limits..but as long as God is in control, there is no limit in me as long as i help my sister in christ to solve the problem in a more appropriate way.

Saviour in the Lord

oops..sorry..forgot to add something..from the first problem where i feel that she has feelings for me was wrong.. and as time goes on, i find that the msg is irrelevant..because this is what i did to her after confessing to her..and though i feel disheartened that i cant get her, i pray about it..and after praying, my feelings are more positive..right from the start, God had asked me to give up although i cant see the picture..now that i can see the picture, i feel so shocked to find out what He has install for me.. what a wonderful saviour i have!!!

God will always reserved the best for His children..this is one thing i will not forget..

Letting go

i want to say thank you God that i didnt regret the decision to give up on this girl. the way i know her has too many weakness of her..im not been judgemental..but that is what she told me..sigh..chio but character not good..and ask me not to go for her..yet i still fall in to it..the feelings for her is not that strong..more of like puppy love..hehe..the affliction is not there that all...if any one want to know her, dont ask me how she is..go and find out yourself..

this is what i find in her: a backslided christian.. run away from problem by breaking friendship..what she did only stumbled me in spiritual sense..the way she send the msg make me realise something..but i dont want to say..venting her anger at me and breaking up of friendship in the msg only make me compromise what i have done in the end..that is to apologise to her..damn it, i find it so hard to say in the first place and now what she did only make me relent and do it. small misunderstanding and escalate it to a big problem by the msgs in friendster by her... hai.. dont tell me anything.. i dont wish to know..she doesnt not deserve my care and concern as a friend or as a brother in christ anymore..i wash my hands off her..

this chapter has finally close, im getting on with life..im free now..hehe.. free from all the problems, free from everything that all..yesterday was indeed a good day to sleep with ease ever since i blog regarding about this incident..

thank you to all my friends that have know my situation..dont worry im fine now..thank you for your care and concern..i very appreciated it..hehe..

i will continue my search for the one that God has reserved for me.. this is indeed a bright side of life that i have seen.. dont be disheartened that you are single or cant find a gf or whatever the reason..just enjoy what you are now..once you are in a relationship, the responsibility and the burden is all there for you to see. once you lost your freedom, there wont be time for you to appreciate anymore. cherish what you have right now..hehe..

Letting out

sigh..cant sleep sia..hehe..hope that through writing out what i feel, i can feel much better and can sleep at ease..i dont want to think about it anymore. what she wants to do next has none of my concern anymore. i dont want to care anymore. i want to wash my hands off her.

through this incident, i feel that she is forcing me to change to her liking, that is what i read from her msgs that she send to me. i hate people who do that to me. only half of the contents are relevant. others are not related to the incident or irrelevant to it. the hurting truth is that she wants to break up the friendship with me, which she already did, but i find that this is not the way to solve the problem. yup, she is angry about it, but she is using that feeling to solve the problem. i dont do that when i face any problems..though at times i might be angry with it, i will always compose myself to solve the problem.

what i have done is apologise to her and have done my part as a brother in christ to her..i know that during the incident, i did not fulfill the position that is required from me. i fail. She have changed, but i accept it.

Humans are imprefect. Neither do I. I dont like to have any miscommunication or misunderstanding with my friends or close ones. If everyone is the same, will we have miscommunication or misunderstanding in the first place. "different in principles..." this is what she told me..and i will remember this...she is expecting too much of me..i been sticking to the problem and solutions all along but she seem to divert my attention on other topics such as my friendster profile.. Friendster is just a computer program that enable us to find our long lost friends, new friends, relatives, siblings and even schools that we attended.. what i write has nothing to do with it in the real life.. and what i have written is only a shallow part of me. has that got to do with the problem?

i know that every problems that i face is unique of its own. no matter how we going to face it, is different all the time. that why i always make sure that whatever problems that i have went through, i wont let history repeat again or let the problem comes again.

yup, i indeed let it all out..and i feel much better now..hehe..now can go and sleep with ease liao..good night everyone..sweet dreams..

Randomness (11)

hmm..she vent her anger on me..sigh..been reading through over and over again all the msgs that i have send and the msgs that she reply..the way her msgs is very hard to decipher..and i need 2-3 days before i could find out what she really meant...first time i read, i got questions keep on popping out of my mind..second time i read it, i have to go and think..sigh..why cant just say directly to the point..yet have to beat around the bush?

the way i see the argument, it pretty small..but we blow it out of proportion..last time we used to msg so freely but now there is a restriction..i know that misunderstandings and miscommunication are part and parcel in friendship..but we never quarrel that often in a way our friendship is in jeopardy..hai..still waiting for her to cool down..

Wrong frequency

What the hell is wrong with her?? argh..it seem that i cant get my point across to her.. i've given up but she seen to think that i still like her and still pursuring her..she msg back and thinking that i still like her..wah kao..

i dont want to say anymore..i dont want to do anything.. i just have to go on life with doubts lingering in my mind.. i dont want to probe the matter further to hurt the friendship to say the least and to hurt her..she has clarified with me and i will take it as a lesson learnt the hard way.. rest assured that i will think twice about msging her from now on..damn it..i accept her decisions fully yet she cant accept mine..i dont even want to think about the future now..i very very scared already.. i very scared that she might change me to what she wants me to be.. i hope not lor..or else what i say in my profile in friendster is no use..

i really donno what she is trying to do lor..hai..i very sian and also having alot of headaches..

can someone enlighten me once again? i want to look on the bright side of life..but i cant..i donno why..

it seem that the matter cant be rest..the misunderstandings cant be solved..hai..i can go mad already..what she say only created doubts in my mind..not the answer that i hope to find..hai..both of us opted for the truce..but the truce that i opted for seem to be rejected by her..what she say doesnt solve the problem..it created anger in me as well..

what a way to start a new yr like this..and also the dullest new yr i ever had..

sign off with a big SIGH!!!

Verdict

two girls shared the same verdict to me despite not knowing each other..lol..kind of surprise to hear the verdict even though i was thinking otherwise..hehe

the very last msg that she send to me was, "tell you wad, i dont wish to lose you as a friend because of this.. *friendly hug* misunderstandings are never ending..im sorry that ive misinterpret your words wrongly..i know you still care.. =)"

erm, given the fact that she has spilt personality that no one can know what her next move, does anyone have the same thinking as me for this msg..i donno..i dont want to think of it..

i know that she is expecting an apology from me. i wonder why guys have to do this even when they did nothing wrong. i know i have to do it sooner or later but i find it hard to do it.

her msn nick was, "i expect nothing but for you to be you"
i know that she was referring to me.

Giving up

from this incident, it only support my stand in giving up in her. not only the feelings is not strong, i also dont have the confidence in it whereas the first 3 i have..haha..hai..and also she was the first that i could give up easily on within a short time.

Heart to carry on?

24 hrs ago..i asked this qn, "what if you have done something half-way and feel that you dont have the confidence to carry on?"

does this simple qn able to escalate to a heaty argument? yes, i did it. and even as i writing it, im still fuming about it.

i ask the qn with no motives, no intention, not even saying the key word in it, just a simple minded qn will able to get into this.

after that qn, i hinted her about her on-going relationship but did not mention that key-word to her as the time isnt ripe to reveal.. after that she know what im referring to and say blabbing about her on-going relationship.

she say how her on-going relationship is going on right now, with no direct bearing to the qn and again i was like, "what has your relationship got to do with that qn?"

the next moment, she say that i sensitive, that i think that she will not able to take care of herself..and i was like, "why dont i take over your place and be the guy boy-friend? or msg her everyday how to make the relationship even better that i plan the steps for you?"

and she also say that i force her to accept my views..kao..i just asking for her opinion and didnt threaten her with a knife to accept what i have say..i didnt say anything except some general views which i didnt force her to accept.

she applied all sort of theories in it popping out from no where and then out of sudden, apologising about misunderstand me, misinterpret my actions..i find it hard to receive her assurance just like that and will also think twice about msg her again..

i preparing for all sorts of comments given by people who have read the post.i wont be surprised if those comments are supporting her..

Randomness (10)

life so boring that time flew so fast..man..i cant get enough rest from my work..today first day off and i spend the whole day rotting in bed and time flew so fast that the next day is the second off..and then work again..sigh..

update on the current situation: i took the opportunity to sms her everything when she sms me back. i told her 3 things regarding the incident.
1. Apologise to her about all the actions that i done.
2. Regarding a certain comment that i msg her in friendster. I explain it to her with sms..and i was like, "very difficult to sms in this type of circumstance, but i did it anyway.."
3. Give up. Does giving up also need a reason for it? I doubt so.

I feel that what i have done in the past has been really impulsive. It just wasnt me in the first place. Confessing to her and doing all sorts of things that hurt her isnt what i want, but yet i did it. Feelings do take a turn and indeed take over my rational thinking. I find it easier to let go this time is because I prayed to God about it. Besides, feelings wasnt that strong to build on that relationship. Guess my friend have say it correctly, she wants to be friends with me to build on a strong foundation. Besides, the enthusiasm for knowing her more in the first place has dwinded. Whatever doubts i have in mind, God have answer for me. As for now, i have nothing to say and i feel that this chapter has closed and settled.

Randomness (9)

over the last 2 days, i make a very serious thought that even when im working, i was not alert. i feel that this is not the right approach . i intend to give up, definitely. but all i need now is answers to all my burning questions. i dont want to ask her as she is busy with her life. i guess there might be only one answer to my current situation that is to give up. i donno about the future, perhaps there is no answer to the questions that i wanted to ask as it left "settled" for the time being. I prayed about this matter last night when i was working. And thanks God that He soften the blow for me. I definitely feel better towards the end but the misery is still there.

i really wish someone or whose wavelength is as the same as her to decipher what is she thinking when she say this to me:

-she say that she got split personality that no one will know what is she thinking. i mean who doesnt have split personality.

-she say that what i feel for her in liking me is wrong. i was like, "huh..i dont believe lor..pls lah..i got all the proofs and she indirectly telling me to give up on her.."
I still stand by what i have say to her, and even to the previous 3 targets. even if i been labelled as "oversensitive"

Since i already been stubborn..i will stubborn in even more to the stand that i have make. Till there is a satifactory answer, i will not let the matter rest.

Randomness (8)

hai..guess i shouldnt give up on her that easily yet.. and i fully deserved my punishment for all the actions that i done that in such a way i have make her angry and sad.. just wish to see her happy with whatever decisions that she had make and able to see her happy is what i hope to see right now.. now my mind has open up, i think that msg is irrevelant to me after all.. and have send her an sms.. hai..i wish to put an end to it and carry on with life.. wish her all the best now.. guess waiting for her is indeed a slow and torturing punishment for me..

Blog readers

hmm..think my current situation has created some publicity..haha.. erm..i donno why the people around me keep on asking me not to give up even though the history is against me.. i have been waiting for 3 girls before this and the average waiting time was 2 yrs.. that was why i got a phobia of waiting any longer. i know what i have done only extend the time. can you all pls tell me why this one is worth waiting for? doesnt seem to see people telling me that for the previous 3 girls.

i know who xuanie is..haha..eh..you got blog is it..then give me your add leh..haha.. anyway thanks for your advice..first time see people so long never contact, give me advice by tagging on the blog site..wahaha..still owe me something haven return hor.. how many years liao..if got interest, i donno how much liao..whahaha..

and also thanks to jimmy..hope your situation will improve too..i donno what to add on, but i know that we are in the same boat...

and also thanks to my buddies whom i will not name..without them i think they will not be able to help me to get what i want and didnt give up on me when i press the alarm unnecessary..perhaps im too desparate..sigh..

these few days, the dreams that i had is all about her, a very peaceful dream with her, and also didnt spotted these dreams in the other 3 girls as well..haha..so like to make comparsion.. is there an indication which i didnt notice earlier as in our friendship?

A Medium To Let Out

i feel that this is a good medium to let out..rather than people listening to you and in their minds, might be cursing you..and in a way you can speak out what you want without having fear of offending them..hehe.. as in changing their names to a fictional ones or some nicknames to go along..hahaha..and of course you will not get to hear all the bad stuff...

my moods can really change to the extreme from one moment to another.. but i have to thank my team for giving me a pat on the shoulder and carry on with life and the work that i have to face everyday.. Im currently working as a base guard in Police k-9 Dog unit..working 2 days off 2 days..and without my team support, i dont think i able to survive this far.. by blogging it out as well is also a good way to take it all out and feel refresh afterwards... at least much better..

im still waiting for the msg to send over despite her hectic schedule..hmm..i have to confess i forgotten what i have send to her and that why i ask her to send..till now still no msg...i dont mind the late reply..but pls send it back to me what i have send to you..even if i do get the reply, i donno what to do as well..donno what my next step will be..

i have been trying to take one step at a time but in vain..the steps in front are all invisible to me.. whether to let it all go or strengthen the friendship..but i find it hard to strengthen the friendship because of what i done in the past..sigh... and her timing is just too perfectly for me to wait here like a moron...if i let it all go, will it be gone forever? or will it come back? questions and more questions..hai..only that msg can answer all my questions..that msg is the key to unlock and able to know what my next path will be...

despite all these..i donno where our friendship stands now..from an acquiantance to giving advice as a friend to having feelings for her, my memory still lingers in my mind the moment i think of the past..but what i have done as a friend, to her, she could have never heed the advices that i gave her and ignore my efforts in doing it...well..i have been there done that before..and got used to it to such as an extent..im immune to it..

how i wish she could just send that msg to end my misery!!!

Love does not need a reason

Love does not need a reason, right? but somehow, i have to give a reason which i find it hard to give. Anyway, i feel that Jay Chou's An Jing is the song that my situation is currently facing. To be truly loved, you have to give it up and i intend to do that. Dont get me wrong, im not trying to get some sympathy, for goodness sake. Due to personal reasons, i will not reveal.

Currently listening mp3: An Jing (Jay Chou)

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Advantages of being single

hai, donno what to write..feel that the current problems have taken a toil on me as in mentally..never knew that matters of the heart could be so tiring than the problems that i faced in my squad or classmates in ITE..i think that been single is still the best option for me..more advantages than in a relationship..go out no need to inform..can go out alone or with friends and still have great fun.. im not saying that im going to stay single for the rest of my life..but as i say earlier, i will wait for the one to come, the one that God provides for me. As far as my religion is concerned, i will only heed that direction where God has say in the bible in terms of relationship.. but for friends, any religion is ok with me..hehe..

2 Corinthians 6:14 - Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always preseveres. Love never fails.

From these two verses, the proof is there and i no need to explain any further.

Maybe i should start everyday with a verse to remind myself that i facing a war on the spiritual side. Though im down, but im definitely not out without a fight. We are facing battles everyday, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, and the best of all, politics..

Shot in the foot

hai..new year got off with a bad start literally..i confess my feelings to her and well, good news is that she is asking me to wait for her..but somehow my actions got the better of me and shoot myself in the foot..just one week to destroy everything..hai..im so stupid, useless and crazy..hai.. now at this moment, i let the feelings died down before anything drastic happen again.. i dont think gals will like to see a guy acting so foolishly given when his feelings are taking over... sigh.. donno what to do next..either build what i have destroyed or go on with the next one...argh!!

Reflections for 2004

today is my off day so did some thinking to myself over the last yr and the coming new yr.. well last yr was kind of mixture of good and bad together but in the end, all well ends well in the new yr to come..

2004... the yr begins when im still in that ite with pathetic classmates..politics are always top of their agenda.. kind of hard to unite when old problems fail to resolve or some people just plain stubborn..refusing to accept apologises..come on, are you a 3 yr old kid? whatever, i just dont care about it..and went on as life goes.. anyway, was graduated in this 2 yrs of happines, sorrow, meeting new friends and ending another..and getting on to the new phrase of life...in NS!! i feel that is during the last term of my 2 yrs there is enjoyable..though i was outcast by my own classmates..i have meet new ones to be with me by my side all this long.. thank you guys and gals out there..

jul 27..enlistment to police!! train us to be full pledged policeman for 5 months..guess that i wasnt mentally prepared for God giving me these group of people..different in culture and lifestyle...same as my ite lifestyle..politics rules as well..wont be surprise if i enter in the working world after i ORD..and got this type of treatment..in this phrase of life was much harder to pass by as i was the only christian in the squad and really need someone to give me the joy to make the day abit colourful to me though it was black and white most of the time...passed the 5 months training and was posted to k-9 unit.. and i really have to thanks my bunk mates be with me..and having those endless fun in the bunk...what my squad mates given me in the end is well, toughen me up mentally that all..

dec 13...posted to k-9..where i wanted to be a dog handler..take a dog during work time to combat crime..but alas, it was not to be..have to do base guard for about 2 months before we can take a dog..and also have to wait till the other intake comes in... well..the yr ends on a high note as i been posted to where i want..and not facing my squadmates again...

new yr..begin with a quiet note..but i did the most unthinkable thing...that is to confess to her my feelings.. well..i leave a cliff hanger to let you think for yourself how the story unfolds...hehe.. i was expecting the same answer as she reject other people but somehow i got an unexpected answer...which is WAIT!!!

4 months of knowing her was, to me, a short time..but i knew her more than what i expected.. but somehow, i show her too much of care and concern as a friend and as a brother in christ that feelings take a turn.. i donno how she feel for me..hopefully as time reveal the path for me to walk in the future..i hope that path will able to meet her's as well...and also God to lead the way for me...

Happy New Year 2005

Happy New Yr!! sorry for the late blog as i was sick..

is been two weeks since i blog..wow..but these two weeks been rather quiet..not much of gossips or news to say.. been doing guard duty (work 2 days off 2 days)..hope that after 2 months..able to get a dog to train and to be a dog handler..

hai..donno what to say leh..last time so much..now so little..abit weird leh..how ah..anyone can help me think..haha..

Life in K-9 (2)

over the last few days, been learning alot of new things.. the first three days is getting up close and personal with the dogs, cleaning the kennels, going for attachments and visit to sub-bases.

two days ago, we went to clean up the dogs kennel..and one of the dog jump and stand behind me..and wanted to play with me..you know doggie style..yup..that the position and im the one suffering..hehe..no lah..just that the more experience dog handler come to the rescue..

then yesterday, was cleaning up the new block where all the new dogs are stay..untrained dogs.. and they want to go out of the kennel to break free..but we cannot allow them to go out as they might hurt other people..and suddenly i kana bitten just because i was shouting to the dog to get back..hai..not painfully lah..just a small bite..

today, visited tuas checkpoint to see how fellow policemen work with their dogs..but never get the chance to see the dog in action..but i guess i have to wait till tomorrow where we will be visiting woodlands checkpoint...

tomorrow, we also get to SOC base at Queensway. and then starting from next week, i will be working 2 days and off 2 days..and unfortunately, i will be burn for christmas..sigh..

tired liao..blog some other days

Life in K-9

first day of posting in dog unit has never been tat exciting and interesting.. although it was boring for this first week as we are having a induction week...but upon seeing dogs liften my moods literally..hearing them barking at me make a warm welcome..hehe..

the camp has a very relax mood compared to TRACOM..and really make you feel as a family..

we will be going all over singapore for a tour of the sub bases like tuas, woodlands, changi this coming week..i cant wait for the operation to start even though we have to go through 8 weeks of training with the dogs..how to control and command the dog..

Reflections in TRACOM

tml will be the first day of my posting to K-9, Dog Unit. I feel very relieved that i can finally get out of this place without seeing all those people again for the next 2 yrs. but overall i feel that there could be a room for improvement as in interacting and communication. During these 5 months of training, these people are what i called, "NATO" No Action, Talk Only!! Because whenever anyone in the squad do wrongly or even correctly, they will still talk behind their backs. And dont wish to tell that person what went wrong. i dont feel good interacting with these guys, so as a result, i was alone most of the time, but i dont care..i do my things that is according to my conscience and dont really bother about them..they are really really very childish. i confess that i wasnt prepared for the squad, treatment and mentality God have given to me during my enlistment, is a test to me. Yet i prepared physically for myself which i didnt exercise at all..lol..

my supervisor have taught me alot of valuable lessons in life..
1) Dont complain! If you want, do it after you have completed the task been given to you.
2) Do everything in moderation.
3) Sometimes, silence is really golden to you.

but i do know that whatever they did to me, i didnt do bad back to them..i leave it to God..What goes around comes around..that all for today..hopefully tomorrow posting out to that unit will be a new experience to me...

Life in TRACOM (14)

POP loh!!! haha.. but the sad thing is that we didnt get to march and get to perform in front of the crowd as it is raining..so it is cancelled and change to a wet weather program..and also change to POC..Passing Out Cermony.. i was very sad and angry that what we have gone through over the last two weeks rehearsing had been gone down to the drain.. and though it is raining, but is still perfectly to go theough..i mean we did go through in this weather in the rehearseal..argh..

and also another good news, i've been posted to K-9, dog unit..hehe..and my squad, nicknamed the FIT squad, because of our Field Instructor...90% all go SOC..wahahah...

hai..tired since the whole day..logging off now and will get to blog every now and then..hehe...

Life in TRACOM (13)

yeah!! POP loh!! but the time spent on rehearsing alone is not fun. Keep on doing it day in day out, our sweats can fill up two swimming pools if we do it everyday and the number of people involved in it.

oh, anyone who is reading this blog, im pleased to invite you to my POP ceremony..hehe..

Date : 7th dec 2004(coming tuesday)
Time : 5pm-7pm
Venue: TRACOM(formerly known as Police Academy) Thomson Road

ps: anyone who is driving will not be allowed as there are special labels given to the trainees who have invited their family and loved ones to attend.

yesterday saw one of my secondary school teacher, Mr choo. was with his 3 sons, all grown up, wow!! how fast time flies.

im very happy that i able to get out of this place without creating trouble. Though i nearly get into it in the early months of training, but all have been in the past and able to get out peacefully. But some people just cant stop blabbling their mouths off. really pissed off with it. what wrong with these people? cant they just shut their mouth for one day will die is it? no one will think they are a mute if they dont talk for a moment. These people not worth looking for, not worth relying on, not worth trusting on, not worth been friends...

hai, yesterday cant sleep, sleep only at 3 am but wake up at 8am..think my sleeping habits have change to the timing of my wake up call..sigh..wake up so early at home and nothing to do is not a good time to pass on, but what to do, eyes cannot close leh..body dont feel tired even though we train for the POP the whole day yesterday. hai.. will stop here now..will blog later..

Life in TRACOM (12)

Attachment so tiring but very fun..is in the morning shift..from 0700 hrs to 2000hrs.. car patrolling in the morning..when we drive past a group of people..they stared at us!! not happy that they stare at us and also suspect them to be in an unlawful assembly, we spot check them..when they see us only, they behave like angels..kao..they said that they are from a lion dance group, going to a birthday party.. 14 of them..dyed hair..after all the checks have been done, we found out that one of them involved in an arm robbery 2002..3 of us against them ah, we died first..

then in the afternoon, got security coverage..escort minister some more..the education minister to be more precise..hehe..stand there for 4 hrs straight..got patrol around the shopping centre also..

then in the evening, is attend a resident council party.. put up banner to show them the awareness of crimes in holiday season..and stand another 3 hrs..get to eat satay and mutton curry.. overall fun and nice experience i have while training in npc..but i applied for k-9..which is dog unit under SOC..hehe.. will get to know this week or the week after...

POP rehearseal very siong and tiring..holding M-16 rifles half a day is no joke man..doing all the saluting, marching on the spot with the rifles i have been there, done that, but is been too long that i have done..so imagine doing it again after a long time..

hai..gonna to rest now..before going back for roll call..

Life in TRACOM (11)

Yes!! i can prepare for POP liao!! Why?? haha, because i passed everything in the training ground.. Exams, swimming, defensive tactics, first aid, drill, physical training and scenerio based test..

but i feel very sad upon hearing that my supervisor will choose for us the posting..sigh..i hope that he will choose the one that i like, which is k-9, or previously known as dog unit...or airport...hehe..see air stewardess..

two days ago, my squad did 720 jumping jacks non stop..wow..my legs still aching now..sigh..now also sick..think got the flu bug liao..alot of people kana..

tml will be going for attachment at bukit batok npc...0700-2000 hrs.. hai..going to rest now..and prepare to see the real world tml..hehe..

Life in TRACOM (10)

exams is coming this monday..yet i only done with 30%...argh..have to catch up the other 70%...

i have done my IPPT..sia lah..this is the first time i run 2.4 so fast..10.8mins..and got a silver..

next week will be very packed because of double holidays.. deepavali and hari raya..and therefore have to do 4 tests including the law exam.. the other 3 are first aid, defensive tactics and scenerio based test...

after all these finish, left enhanced obstacle course.. then the last 2 weeks will be prepared for POP!!!

i donno about my squad mates..sigh..they are like hot and cold towards me..but i dont care anymore..i just do my job, my duties and never do anything towards my conscience, im not scared of anything.. but one thing i have learnt a valuable lesson, they have toughen me up..that for sure..mentality i mean..

over the last few weeks been talking and mentioning about my squad that i totally forgot to update about the gal that i known..haha..till now, none of my squad mates know that i know her even though she has already posted out to Coast Guard..i have her contact no and been communicating with her since then..i know alot about her past and been all along helping her *fingers crossed*..im been hoping for a steady friendship..dont really wish to reveal my feelings to her as she is still hurting from the previous relationships..her character is super friendly, we can talk anything under the sun even her failed relationships..she started this topic first..well, just to give her some advices as i have lent a listening ear to her.. some taboo subjects that cannot mention are like sex and etc...

neither do i want the history to repeat again as in priscilla case..got to know her for 1-2 weeks without communication and reveal the feelings to her..man, that awful and awkward..and no point of going further..thus i have given up on her not only on this, but other reason as well.. her character is not as easy as what you think..

Life in TRACOM (9)

at last can breathe a sigh of relief..people are sian of making certain comments at me liao..phew..

been a long time since i blog..well..alot of good news i got..

firstly, i just found out that i passed my shooting test without going for a reshoot..yes!! can hold a gun for the next 1 1/2 yrs..hehe

secondly, is my squad mates..yup yup..been mentioning above..enough of saying..

thirdly, hmm..could say is a bad news..still got 6 more tests to go..law exam, defensive tactics, scenerio based test as an officer, enhanced obstacle course, security awareness and last but not least, first aid..of all..the most afraid one should be law exam..once fail, either retest before POP, or recourse for one month..argh!!!

today have a great fun in scenerio based test as a role player..act as a neighbour in a dispute, giving the other squad "officers" a hard time and a hell of a ride..lol.. well, was instructed by my officer in charge..in the end, i got blue black all over my body..ouch!!!

sigh..alot of movies all keep on popping up and going down without warning one..some movies i haven see already not showing..sian..and new one like shark tale, still in sneak preview, already machim like showing as if it released..

Life in TRACOM (8)

finally i know why my mood is swing from one end to another very easily..because of my squad mates.. i just feel that im alone in this pathetic squad..no one to understand how i feel..though i been through for 12 weeks..but i feel that i have enough..i dont wish to go through history in my previous chapter of life.. i need someone who willing to stretch out his hand to me and rescue me out of this situation..i didnt think of facing this same situation so soon just as i got enlisted..but how wrong am i..

yes..i admit that over the last few weeks, i didnt go to church as in such a way, i have backslided..sigh..need to buck up..need to show my resilient character..need to be tough..need to be more "gung-ho"...

do i really look like someone who is easily taken advantage of? because of my look, i can be take advantage of...haha..i find it very amusing..because book cannot be judge by its cover.. or is it because im a sick tiger that donno how to roar.. i mean come on, just tell me straight in the face, rather than telling people behind my back and make them think im a weird person..

i donno whether i can still take it for the remaining 7 weeks..i desperately calling out for this person or God to stretch out His hands to pull me out.. im sinking faster than i thought..help!! help!!

Life in TRACOM (7)

i donno what happen to the site..but i cant blog for quite a long time..but anyway, to cut thing short..i feeling very sian now..donno why..maybe is the enviroment, the squad mates or the activities are not challenging at all in my view.. over the last 2 weeks..i have passed my swimming test, my unarmed tactics, my drill test, but not my shooting test..sigh..very scared that i might recourse for this test for one month..still got ippt test and law test to go before POP.. hai..boring..sian..

Life in TRACOM (6)

yes!! yes!! shoot 2 frames in one week..and both got marksman..hahahaha..but is in toa payoh range..got laser wor..haha..sigh..but the last frame is the final test and is held in PA..hai..donno lah..dont wish to think so much..hope all will turn out will be good..

nowadays i feel that im getting childish..haha..maybe is because i dont want to encounter any more "JOE" in my phrase of life..once is enough..but somehow, this personality will always stick with me wherever i go especially my squad mates..what they say to you can be very hurting, you just feel like slapping them, punching them....argh..and in some ways, i ignored their comments, and they return this commment, "eh..why you so petty?" i was like, "aiya..cant be bothered with you all..just want to provoke me with this kind of comments..try harder next time.." but in my mind, it hurts alot..having build this trust among the squad suddenly been backstabbed isnt a nice feeling to deal with.. to me, if you want to tell something to me..tell me straight in the face..not beat around the bush then stuck your dick up my ass..

about the gal, hmm..not much of development..still waiting for her to give me her hp no..hahaha..hopefully she will give.. today book out..saw her at the bus stop..but didnt identify myself to her because my squad mates was there..didnt want to create a high profile out of nothing considered that she was the "no. 1" in my training ground..

but i have definitely given up on another girl whom i have pursued for the last 4 yrs i should say..my fault from the start..hopefully i have learnt my history lesson and not to commit it again..

Life in TRACOM (5)

sorry for not updating for a long time..computer down again..and have to reformat..sian..all files are gone and have to dl again..sigh..

hey hey..i finally got to know one of them in a low profile manner..hehe..i hope my squad mates doesnt know about it..

she is the one that most guys will like to know..but thanks one of her squad mate who happened to be my sec school classmate who help me to get to know her..

the new intake is here..and yesterday do sentry saw a number of them report sick..some of them as if got heat stroke and some of them take off the shoes as if they got blisters or bruises..kao..one of them even get 3 days mc because of pulled muscles..wah..not even 10 days yet..they get to go back home liao..and i 10 days also never got it..chao kin kings..

argh..my shooting is getting from bad to worse..we have to shoot 7 frames and already shoot 4 frames..2 pass 2 fail..how to get marksman like that..hai..sad sad..

physical wise..is getting slacker and slacker..my instructor got course so he ask other instructors to tire us out..and we realise that our instructor gives us the harshest physical training than other instructors..the others PT got no kick at all..no sweat even..sian..hai..wish for our instructor to come back quickly..

Life in TRACOM (4)

time indeed flies very fast..now already 7th week..still got 13 weeks to go before POP..and next week got new intake coming in..haha..can suan them liao..when they come in and we march pass them..we shout, "POPO!!!" as in left right left right... hehe..

leopards indeed never change its spots...my squad mates all slowly showing their true colours liao..and also starting to have some politics groups...malay with malay..chinese with chinese...

last week kanna confinement for 3 hours because the squad never march properly.. =/ some more is spotted by our CO-BTC (Commander of Basic Training Centre)...sian 1/2..

spotted some regulars very chio..haha..feel like knowing them but scared kanna high profile..few days ago..help a mdm who is the same age as me..MSO Elaine Seah..Ministry of Support Officer in TRACOM...kakaka..chio bu some more..

Life in TRACOM (3)

wow, long time never update liao..kaka..whose neck is very long now ah..haha..sorry guys, but my computer is down and have to change my display card and sound card..haha

ok, back to my ns life in police..activities is getting tougher and in a way gradually toning up the tempo...these 2 weeks i have learn alot of things..

such as sentry (guard duty for 24 hours) get to play with walkie talkie at night until dont want to play with it,

get to shoot a gun but never get marksman(sigh, but never mind, first time still got 6 more to go)

learn unarmed tactics..kaka..we have to shout "PULL BACK SIR" whenever we excuated a move..next week we will get to touch the T-baton...

my squad is really getting on to my nerves..one of them..his character is damn same as the one in my ite class..he smiles like him..make fun of people like him..only thing is that he is malay..but act like my ite classmate is none other than JOE..my nemesis..my squad make fun of him, he not happy..machim think he very mature like that..nearly got a fight with him..concidence? i dont know..

food in the police life is getting a bland taste in my mouth..same food every now and then..only once in awhile got some new taste to try it out..

now my whole squad all kanna cough and a few exception have flu..but i got the both of it.. =/ last wednesday after booking out went to see a doctor..i dont know why the waiting time was damn long as my booking in time is going to be late liao..so i fed up and tell the nurse that i want to cancel the appointment..

erm, i cant remember much liao..haha..got to refresh my memory before typing it in again..that all for today..got to enjoy myself while outside PA...

Life in TRACOM (2)

book out liao lor..kaka..this week quite alot of happenings sia..haha..sprained my ankle but not that bad lah..need to get it "push" tomorrow..and hopefully can walk, run, jump as per normal by sunday..wednesday i did book out but didnt update my blog because out for a few hrs then book in again..this is to let us have outside food once awhile.. but i didnt go out and eat..but come back and pack my things..

need to take a rest now..feeling drowsy liao..from the medicine that i take to cure my cough..

Randomness (7)

Saturday, 07/08/04
went to PS see I,robot..quite nice..before buying tickets, saw one of my bunk mates..lol, singapore is indeed small..he and his gf watching the village which he later comments not nice.. today i donno why my appetite so good, maybe is because of the training..hmm, went to fish & co. order a set meal, finish all..after the show, meet my friends for a game of pool..i lost most of the games because i very long never play liao..like a newbie..sigh..then went to have dinner alone before playing again, because my friends are playing so i dont want to disturb them..had chicken rice.. then come back and play again..
my friends ask where i go, then i say i have my dinner..then they say i never jio them..kao..nvm..after that i went back home and slp..very tired..book out never go home and rest..straight away go out and enjoy myself..lol

Sunday, 08/08/04
this morning never go to church..feeling abit sick..so never go..continue sleeping until in the afternoon before going to beach rd to buy stuff for police..again saw another of my bunk mates..yet never saw my squad mates..hmm..no fate i think..haha..then after that went to PS carrfour to buy starch and toileties..after that went to watch House of Flying Daggers..lol, the female character, no matter how you stab her, or hit her, she died for a few minutes before waking up again..tot she will finally died infront of the one she like, she wake up again..knn..overall ok lah..only that part leave a deep impression..haha..this show is just like Infernal Affairs show..someone be a mole in the good company(for those who haven watch, i think you will know the mole is who..just like in the Infernal Affairs..lol)

Life in TRACOM

woohoo..finally back home after 10 days of going through hell..first day damn boring..orientation, take uniform, clothes, PT kit, etc..until in the evening then can go to bunk and rest..haha..the food is catered by CIAS, which is under SIA..overall ok lah ah..haha..then hai, first day see mr ungentleman liao..sian 1/2..
then the second day which is wednesday, is the first day of confinement, torturing starts liao..pump push up until the last few days before going back home, we can do without any sweat..haha..serious..
the third day to today, the training relaxed as in the PT, so the FI(Field Instructor) trains us on our drill..the schedule is almost the same every day..wake up at 5.30am to clean up the bunk and to clean up the whole company(ECHO) then go for flag raising ceremony..after that, drill or PT..then breakfast, after that, drill..then lunch, lesson from 1 - 5..then lastly dinner..after that, we have our free time liao..

booking out feeling is damn shiok..never tasted outside food for 10 days, never see PRETTY girls for 10 days..hmm..later will go and enjoy my booking out session till monday..i will book in at 2130 hrs which is 0930pm..good ah..hahah

Randomness (6)

woohoo..botak liao..kaka..feeling abit weird leh..haha.. still got 4 more days before going to hell.. hai..these few days been offending alot of people due to family problem..to those who i have offend, sorry..is just that i facing all these problem and find it difficult to provide a good solution to my parents..sigh..

Beginning of family problems

woohoo..excatly one week to hell..sigh..donno how life gonna be when i in police..tough or relax as what my friend say? hmm..better to have a worst expectation than to have a expecatation that cant meet..

hai..these few days been solving problems for my family that i starting to get used to it..sigh..how to help my family once and for all..how to end their sufferings...i see them suffer, my heart hurts as well as they are afterall my parents..is also my responsibility to take care of them one day when they are old or sick or facing problems..

Problems solved another comes..when is it gonna to end?? sigh...~~~

Randomness (5)

Last two days been really busy that i have no time to blog..haha..

on thursday, go to esplanade library to meet my friend and teach her accounts..as she is weak in this subject and need my help to teach her..yup..that's all for thursday..

then on friday, which is yesterday, went out with my friends to eat, play pool and see movie..is been a while since i have play pool but after my friend comes, then i know how to play..haha..after that, went to cineleisure and see king arthur..storyline abit funny leh..but overall quite good..haha..that my review..and i came back home at 6 in the morning..my goodness..sigh..still feeling very sleepy as i blogging..kaka.. still got 10 days more before i go to police academy.. =/

Randomness (4)

ahhh..feeling much better now..haha..dont wish to talk about it either or blog it out..just treat it as a nightmare will do..haha..

hmm..slacking at home the whole day..sleep and sleep and sleep..never really bother about ns life in two weeks time..haha..donno why..dont wish to have expectations after all..or else will regret..so what if people say good choice, good life..is all crap once you get in..oh well..time to zzz liao..good night..kaka..

Randomness (3)

Go out and have sushi with my friends..damn..donno why my mood was very down..maybe is the dreams or other things..i donno..sigh..feel like crying..yes..crying..guys do cry..i mean c'mon on, guys do have a sentimental side of them.. no mood to blog..kao..

Weird dream

i had a weird dream that "she" has choosen another guy..and i saw it, i gone bonkers..wah..got so jia lat leh me.. i wake up breaking into cold sweats.. sigh..how come so coincidence one..my friend tell me to give up since i waited for "her" so long and this weird dream..mood is the lowest right now..argh..any professional girl can help me to solve this problem..kaka..

Key to freedom

My magical day had gone just 2 hrs ago..but these few days been getting some pleasant surprises..haha.. last saturday go to fish and co and eat with my buddies and one of my classmate's brother whom i invited along, ordered a chocolate ice-cream cum chocolate hot muffin for me,very nice and yummy... (free one lah) and sang birthday song.. then today also go and eat, for dinner with my buddies..think i really like their food or is it because of chio bu..haha..cannot be lor..'cause though im available but taken..kaka.. shit lah..i have to treat one of my buddy because he came late and no more food can be ordered...

then today, my friend give me her blog add..kaka..wah..see her blog from the day one until now, i know alot of her secrets..haha..but i promised her i will not link or in a way, publish her blog site here.. but hor, she say her class guys are all childish leh..wah..do someone(C.O.O.L) really that childish..not referring to "him" hor..hope you know who hor..hahaha..

Thank you to all my friends who sent me warm and nice greetings for my birthday..though not really a good day to begin because of rain, have to stay at home until in the late afternoon then go out..

After all the celebration and walk back home..not no money, but no bus liao..so have to slowly walk home from lavender mrt station..my friend ask me about relationship problem about "her"...i find it hard to answer as most of my friends are not in the same religion as me.. and they asking me to do things that isnt right in my conscience..like asking her out alone..i was like, "how can? isnt it better to go out in groups then we get to know more gals and know who is the one suitable for you?" sigh..speaking of this topic, i really sian 1/2..though i mentioned earlier that "she" was the one for me, im tired of waiting and also wanted to tell her how much i miss her... but i cant.. *sob sob*

back to a happy note, been 21 is an age of freedom..kaka..can do alot of things without parents' consent, but of course is legally lah..however i feel that im standing on the edge of the cliff..because once i do the wrong decision..that it..no more turning back unlike during the younger days where we did something wrong, we can still learn.. how i wish i could never grow up..just be a baby with all the attention that you want..

Happy Birthday 2004

Today went to have a birthday celebration..go to fish & co. to have dinner and got a pleasant surprise from my friend..nice surprise i should say..after dinner, went to ktv and sing..kaka..from 11pm sing until 4am.. wow..a great way to celebrate my 21th birthday..though still not the actually day yet..haha.. on this day..i will be unlocked and to the land of freedom where decisions and responsibility are in your hands.. will be patiently waiting for the big day to come..haha..

Smitten

Ever since i saw her in church last sunday, my mind was not on the right mood because of the speeding matter, but my heart was beating faster than normal rate..haha..she is the same old brand new "her".

Before she went for her further studies, she was the old "she". Two years on, she became a new "she" whom i cant recongise whenever she is back for holidays..but now is different..she is back to what she is two years ago..with a new self confidence look..kaka..

I just cant forget the way she smiles, she laughs, she talks, she touches her hair..man..how i wish it could replay in my memory over and over again.. remembering the first time we get to know each other, it was an awakward situation..thinking of it, it was hiliarious. And i still remember that i confessed to her even though we still donno each other quite well..and she claim that i was "weird and irritating"..this is one quote from her which i can never forget.

3 years, since i set my eyes on her, was a challenging moment. It was a mind blowing roller coaster ride that the friendship, to say the least, is at last come to effect.At times i thinking of giving up, but the feeling just came back stronger till i want to tell her straight in her face that 3 "sweet to hear, hard to say" words, but something held me back..not the right time, eh? haha..

What i hope now is more communication between us as i feel we are more of like "platonic" friends. I donno what lies ahead along this route but im ready to take it on. But i have a strong feeling that she is The One.

Randomness (2)

went out with lionel today and have a late lunch at cafe cartel (city hall)..then go window shopping..saw some ite students..some poly students..hai.. then go to suntec..after that go to LAN shop play C&C General Zero Hour.. then home sweet home...

Longest Drive

Yesterday took the car from my uncle and drive..it's the longest drive i ever had until at the end of the day, my face was green..imagine driving from bukit merah -> woodlands -> tanah merah -> city -> changi village..but in between got rest at least better..

However, my uncle's car was caught by the speeding camera just because i sped on the expressway..argh..after that i have no mood to eat because i face the agony of telling it to my uncle face to face and not only that, i was afraid that i couldnt borrow his car anymore..

In the end, i got the courage out of nowhere, and told him today..lucky he say he will settled it himself and only need me to be more careful..Phew..

Today went to church feeling moody because of the speeding matter. saw someone back for holiday..sigh..too bad..not my usual happy self upon seeing that person.. can see that person really change for the better over the last 2 yrs..that for me to know..for you to find out..haha.. after that, went for the worship service..the message was really a hit in my heart..is about prayers..how we should treat prayer as a ministry, a labour..people nowadays praying just too general..stuff like bless the church but not meeting the specific needs of the church..we also need to know that praying is also to seek God's will..not just to tell God to help you when trouble comes..or asking Him to let you know who is your future partner.. Praying also need to know what you pray for..if not, someone ask you what you pray for last week, you say, "forgotten already"..then is not important afterall..write down a prayer list what you want to pray for and to continue pray for it that is concided with God's will..then God will work the rest..

Cleaning up

im so free that i started to do some cleaning up in my study room..happen to see a stack of letters..well..just remembered years ago, i have a few penpals..but have lost contact except one due to time commitments. i throw all the letters away is because i dont have their contact..or they might not know me anymore..whatever the reason, i just dont wish to see it again..not because of bad incident ..

is been a long time since i clean up that room, wonder what happen if i dont clean up again for 2 more yrs..haha..chuck all my previous school notes under the table to collect dust, spider web...