Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment

So hot out of the box
Can we pick up the pace
Turn it up, heat it up
I need to be entertained
Push the limit, are you with it?
Baby don't be afraid
Imma hurt you real good baby

Let's go it's my show, baby, do what I say
Don't trip off the glitz that I'm gonna display
I told you, Imma hold ya down until you're amazed
Give it to ya til you're screamin' my name

No escaping when I start
Once I'm in I own your heart
There's no way to ring the alarm
So hold on until it's over

Oh!
Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment

Oh!
I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment

'Sall right
You'll be fine
Baby I'm in control
Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul

I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

No escaping when I start
Once I'm in I own your heart
There's no way to ring the alarm
So hold on 'til it's over

Oh!
Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I am about to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment

Oh I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment

Oh
Do you like what you see?
Oh
Let me entertain ya 'til you scream

Oh!
Do you know what you got into
Can you handle what I am about to do
'Cause it's about to get rough for you
I'm here for your entertainment

Oh!
I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet
You thought an angel swept you off your feet
But I'm about to turn up the heat
I'm here for your entertainment

First post of 2011

Ok, i just realised that this will be the first post for 2011 due to negligence and also due to Chingay that just ended yesterday.

This is the first time doing an event for 3 days straight with less than 8 hours of sleep everyday. 1st and 2nd day still ok despite the hot weather. Luckily there was rain on the 2nd day to cool down the atmosphere at Pit building. By the 3rd day and with no sight of weather changing, i began to feel under the weather. By the time it ended, I request to stand down immediately.

Overall it was a success and was approached to continue next year as well. And I have intention to retain my current EXCO team and reduce the number of volunteers for next year's operation.

Next up, Men's Health Urbanathlon follow by OCBC Cycle and Aviva Ironman Triathlon.

Last but not least, Happy Lunar New Year and Happy Valentine's Day to all blissful couples!!

Horny Dolphin

Ever see a horny dolphin before?

<br/><a href="http://video.xin.msn.com/watch/video/dolphin-attracted-to-swimmers-crotch/1j84q3ifw?fg=sharenoembed" target="_new" title="Dolphin Attracted to Swimmers Crotch">Video: Dolphin Attracted to Swimmers Crotch</a>

SCMS 2010 - Aftermath

5th Dec 2010 - the day where sporting world get a closer look on how the Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore going to fare. We were fearing for the worst as any major hiccups will put the event a bad image. To think that this event was broadcasted live in the wee hours of the morning.

I was stationed at Orchard where the full marathoners will be starting at 5am. Runners started to come in at around 3.30am where they deposited their baggages. 1 hour before the race start, the queue gets longer but runners waited patiently to deposit their baggage. Singaporeans very kiasu and very obedient.

The race started at 5am sharp but the runners were not complaining despite the long queue. Amazing! By 5.30am, our area is settled and not a single complain was raised at us. And we start to head back to F1 Pit building for all runners to retrieve their bags.

By the time the event end, it was a major success that Singapore able to host an international marathon with 3 different starting points. The only issue were the distance from Padang to F1 Pit building to retrieve the bags and the oversized tee-shirt issued to runners after they completed the race.

Next year, I will try something new before deciding whether to be in the same position again in 2012.

Preparing for Twenty 11

Christmas, New Year's Eve and New Year have not come yet and a whole lot of events are in full throttle next year.

Chingay 2011, OCBC Cycle 2011, adidas Sundown Marathon 2011, Men's Health Urbanathon 2011, Aviva Iron Man Trialathon 2011 all taking place in the first half of the year. First half of the year, yes, that is until June 2011.

So far my job scope is quite flexible in a way that as long the deadline is met, the rest of the day you are free to do your own things. Luckily I did informed my boss that I was into events during my interview and she accepted me out of other candidates without hesitation. In a way, there isnt much to juggle between work and events, as work still a priority. Events later.

Im not sure whether this job is meant for me in the first place, but so far my enthusiasm is still there. Customers and suppliers are good to me that they help me alot during my initial stages of career. Now, even in a team of other colleagues and bosses, they will still come and find me to help them rather than looking for the respective colleagues. zzz..

Coming to a close

2010 is coming to an end and hope to end the year as the same profile as I started the year. Though my goals have yet to be completed, at least I have taken small steps to accomplish it. It's really a slow and long process.

With a full time job, the difference between having a salary and receiving allowances for school is big. At least the burden was transferred from my parents to me which I gladly take up.

As 2011 is just round the corner and preparing to usher the new year, I hope I could take great strides in completing my goals.

This is the only resolution that I have for 2011, the rest can slowly wait. Not asking for the sky or heaven. Just a very simple resolution.

Roller coaster with a merlion

Classic.. Merlion in a roller coaster ride!!

Experiment

Want to see how cheeky guys is..

How it started

It's all started in 2008 when my Poly CCA was involved in community events like Zouk's Mainly I Love Kids and the annual Stan Chart Marathon. I joined the Stan Chart Marathon as a mere volunteer with no experience and was with my poly mates as a group helping out in the event.

In 2009, I received an email from the same events company that run Stan Chart Marathon and asked me whether I am interested to help out in the event again. It was after the event that I knew that I was the only one selected in the whole group. However, the responsibility given to me was bigger, but I still accept it without hesitation.

When I first started, I did approached friends for companion or at the very least, have someone to talk or chat during the events. But long hours, no pay and unpredicatable weather would have turned them off. Maybe I dont know them well enough, thus I stopped asking around whenever there is an upcoming event.

The very same year, I did the inaugural Asian Youth Games where I stationed in Changi Airport to welcome foreign delegates and athletes. The Asian Youth Games was a preparation for this year's Youth Olympic Games.

Right from the start of the new year, I committed myself to events wholeheartedly. As in, every single events that need help, I will be there. Chingay, trialathons, NDP, Youth Olympic Games, adidas Sundown, etc..

The most memorable event that is on the top of the list will be the adidas Sundown 2010, held in Changi Exhibition Centre. Shuttle bus, road closures, and whatever problem that the participants have complained, I have been through it as I was on the ground.

The biggest test will be the coming Stan Chart Marathon where it will be held in Orchard, Sentosa and Padang.

Waned Enthusiasm

This decision abit of impromptu. Work is getting routine at the moment that i need to recharge my mind and body.

Thinking of going Bintan for some beach activities, but ask people at the wrong time due to studying, working or have their own activities.

Now might have a change of plan of where to go. Oh well.

Count on Me Remix - NDP 2010

This is one of the few songs that make it to my all-time favourites for NDP. This song is a remix of the traditional 'Count on me' where it is rapped by Jay Park. Heard it quite alot of times during rehearsal, NE show, preview and the actual day that i find it tirelessly over the internet for the source of the song.

Confirmation

Ok, the confirmation is official now as the job scope will be more starting on 1st Sep. I am literally taking on 3 people job, which my manager say that i should be able to cope with it.

Not much info to blog except that i partipated in my first ever NDP 2010 as a volunteer. We have to go through a series of training and attend NDP rehearsals. By the time the actual day comes, we already know what is the programme at the back of our hand.

Next up will be YOG where i will be volunteering again. The volunteering bug have bite me hard!!

After the YOG, my weekends will be free and will be spending lots of time in the bed. With the additional job load, i guess the time to laze on the bed is justifiable. Hahah..

OneRepublic - Secrets

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, All my secrets away

New Proposal

For the first 3 months on the job, i was assigned to 2 buyers. After that one of them left due to promotion, but i still have to continue the job scope for the 2 buyers.

Now with a new buyer coming in next month, my current buyer is proposing to me that she could take over the promoted buyer's work scope and give the current projects to the new buyer.

What that means is that i might be taking in more job responsibilities and reports to do. The promoted buyer's projects are bigger, largest and oldest in the group, so by right, my current buyer should take over, and not the new buyer. My current buyer is afraid that the new buyer might not be able to handle the workload.

Now I am mentally prepared and anticipate for the upcoming changes next month.

Evanescence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

Birthday

With a few hours left to go on my special day, will like to thank all friends and colleagues that make it special.

Afterall, is the thought that counts.

Not a very good day as I literally stay awake to watch World Cup Final between Holland and Spain, and then left for work after the match.

Going to take an early rest after this post.

Independent Analyst

My personalDNA Report

I find this test to be quite true. Heh, enjoy!

Trip cancelled because of flood

Bite the hands that feed

Now I have a rough idea who have been reading my blog all these times, the moment I confronted someone directly, the viewing stops completely.

And now I have the same person biting the hand that feeds her. Right from the start, I did not take that person as a friend for granted, which I fervently trying to salvage. I mean, look, even a 3-yr old kid could see that and in return, say that I dont appreciate her. What the hell?!?!

So she is willing to go to all extent to do that, just to make me hate her. Wow, I really have to hand it to her.

Since she so like to have karma in her life, I believe she will learn it the hard way herself. She wants to continue to lie and yet wanting to find love in her life, by all means. She really need to improve her EQ, especially on her Facebook and MSN.

Last message

It was a game of "True or Dare" that went very wrong.

All I wanted is to salvage a very simple friendship but yet I get in return are all lies. It's doesnt help either when friends are siding her. I stop the argument with one of her friends before it got worse.

This friendship is not meant to be despite 3 years of good memories. Even though I never get to speak to her on a regular basis during these 3 years, it wont change anything.

I dont deserve a tear from her, neither do I deserve this kind of treatment from her.

All the best and wish you happiness.

World Cup 2010

I am taking a break from penning my rollar-coasting life due to the on-going World Cup matches. Will be back after the tournament.

Cold comfort

I guess I have been way too optimistic that I could change the way it was 3 years back, in 1 day.
I guess all the memories in the whole of 3 years are all memorable to me, no matter how bad or how good it turns out to be.

No anger or a tinge of sadness from me, just feeling very numb.

Odd one out

Can someone tell me what's wrong with this picture?

Settled

I am more or less settled in my job where it has become a 2nd nature to me. I am not saying this is the perfect job but it's something that really suit my personality and character.

Though I need to report to my supervisor if I dont know anything, but she let me handle on my own, as I am dealing with customers and suppliers. The freedom is there, which is what I like.

Secondly, I can get to surf net, listen to music and chat with friends online.

Thirdly, my dress code is smart casual. No need to wear formal or office wear to work. I find that im just like going to school but getting a monthly pay.

My next aim now is to help someone find her smile and laughter back and at the same time, further my studies.

Belief

I am not angry, neither am I have the energy nor the mood to scold. I am just demoralised that I dont have the right to be a friend.

I still want to believe in her, despite what she have told me.

Dont Stop Believin' - Glee

Just a small town girl
Living in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

{Refrain}
Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Paying anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

{Refrain}

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feeling
Streetlight people

-----------------------------
Im not a fan of Glee and neither do I watch the series. But I find this song very catchy.

A valuable friend

If there is any regrets in my life now, I would say this is my 2nd regret. The first regret happened also in my poly days, but the effect does not have a big impact as this one.

No matter what I say now, I do not know whether it will be of any use. I dont even know whether she still remember me as a friend, to say the least.

Last time I told her that "I just want you to be happy.." But I never fulfill it for her. I was not around or by her side when things happen. How I wish I could turn back time or make amendment. I wish to be around by her side, but I guess it just pure daydreaming.

I have alot of things to tell her, to ask her. Like whether is she furthering her studies, or working full-time in a bank. I really wish to lent a listening ear to her whether she had a bad day at workplace or just pure ranting. These are just basic things a friend can do and will do.

I dont wish for anything more or less, just a simple and an invaluable friendship that I yearn to have. I dont want to lose this friendship at all, not even once in poly days.

I really dont care whether she is single or attached, I just want to be a normal friend. Does it sound so difficult?

If only she see this message..

Pics galore

Some pictures from the outing..


Jump shot fail


Jump shot


Jump shot 2


Jump shot 3

Company outing

Nothing unusual or new things to blog, as majority of my time is now spend on work.

Last week went to Marina Bay Sands for company outing. Had fun but the heat was a killer. I was under the sun for 2 hours and enough to dehydrate me. Then the next day have to do JP Morgan Corporate Challenge Run at F1 pit building. 2 days same spot, same heat = immune system down already.

On Friday, return to office only to see a big mess. Cannot trust colleagues to do my workload as double work have to be done and redo all over again. Not fully recover from dehydration yet still stay throughout the office to clear the mess.

At this rate im going, it will be a matter of time of when im taking a long MC. Need to recover fast..

Steep Curve

It's been some time since i blog as im just started on my new job. A very different job scope from what i have learned and worked so far. Just started to settle down as im taking over someone, the transition period were also quite different from what i experienced previously.

I have to concede that the learning curve is much steeper than i thought.

Hope i could settle down sooner and get thing going.

Rascal Flatts - Unstoppable

Yeah yeah yeah..
Hey

So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you've had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all

When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it

CHORUS
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Love, it can weather any storm
Bring you back to being born again
oh, it's a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shinning on the coast
That never goes dim

When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there's no way out

CHORUS

Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don't it feel good knowing
Yeah

CHORUS

Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable

1st Apr

Initially i wanted to give myself a deadline till the end of the month that if i dont get a job by that time, i have every intention of going into freelance events, which was an interest that i pick up lately.

But somehow, an offer for a job came 18 hours later.

Though i maybe back to where im best at, it will be a total different level playing field.

The job interview itself was a killer, took nearly 1 hour to complete. The only thing i knew was that my job agency personnel got a shock on what the company had offered me. Well, i gestured to her that the interview was worthwhile afterall.

The title may sound nice, but in actual fact, it will be cover mountain cover sea.

Going to enjoy my last 3 days of holidays!!

Dog mate till vomit

Well, the dog vomitted at the wrong end.

OCBC Cycle Singapore 2010

This is by far the most siong and taxing assignment i have ever done. The timing is super duper long but compared to Stan Chart Marathon, the duties were quite easy actually.

I was in charge of the volunteers and to rotate their duties at various places which includes the carnival, lifestyle village and the riders' cafe. And this is also the first time that majority of my group were girls. Wah lan eh! Trying to look for guys to carry stuff is just so difficult.

But overall i had fun and knowing new friends who share the same interest in volunteering.

Job-seeker

It's going to be 1 month since my attachment ends but till now, there is no job offer even though i have send resumes to job agencies, looking through classifieds ads in the papers and going for job interviews.

Funny thing is that i do have some job offers in sales and front-liners but i know myself well enough which area im more comfortable with.

When i first looked out for jobs, my initial concern was the coming OCBC Cycle Singapore 2010 which i volunteer to help out. I mean, i still apply for the job opening or to go for job interviews, hoping that i could start work after the event. But it look like my concern are unfounded.

Hopefully by next week, i will be able to hear some positive news. I have rested enough to start the new phrase of life.

Personality test

Another personal test that i have done on Facebook, in a way i find it quite true and get to know more about myself. Some things that i dont even know, perhaps in a conscious way, especially those points in what im most afraid of.

Below are your Personality Tests result:
Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are a true romantic
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : When you are in love
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will do anything
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Everything to keep your love true

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person

The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are very serious about relationships
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : If you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You will fall deeply
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Beautifully in love

Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Education is very important in life
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You want to study hard
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Learn as much as you can

The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You need to choose something
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Go for it to be happy
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Achieve success

How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of failure
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous

What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are concerned about your image
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : The way others see you
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : It's time for you to believe in who you are
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Not what you wear

Strange encounter

Yesterday attended the Chingay Parade rehearseal 2010 and i have a rather strange encounter with a girl at a taxi-stand on the way back home.

I was not eavesdropping as i was smsing my friends when somehow or rather, i heard the girl hinting something to her mum.

Girl: Mum, he is as tall as you lor.

I look left, right and behind me. Behind me was an auntie. And im the only guy in the taxi stand!!

Me: Are you referring to me?

The girl was shocked when i ask her that.

Girl: Mum, you see, he is talking to me.

I and her mum look at each other, and smile. The girl dont dare to say anything after that.

Next update

January have just whizzed past, without blinking of an eye. Nothing meaningful done for the last month as im more engrossed in my work than anything else.

2 more weeks to go and im done with my attachment. Having say that, the thought of having a break is perhaps the only door present to me at the moment as no doors on full time jobs at the moment. It also give me the answer where i stand in my current working place.

From now till the eve of Chinese New Year, i dont think i have the time to update my blog due to my work. The work itself is enough to snap my energy away for any activities in the evening.

Till then, wishing all Chinese and everyone a Happy Chinese New Year with a roar literally.

Trust

Is there anyone i could really trust to such an extent that i have no worries of breaching it? Currently i couldnt find that person who fits in this category. Those people whom i really close to, i could only reveal that much to them, and not all as what i expected or intended to.

I have talked to those people that im close to, and told me to interact, open up, coming back to Plurk!

But then again, i began to wonder whether human beings are really that forgiving in the first place.

Either that, or the best case scenerio will be moving on and left the past behind me. I believe that the past have made it a lose-lose situation for all parties. Hence the reason of moving on rather than staying put and caused unhappiness.

Can someone teach me how to trust people once again?

One step at a time

4 more weeks to go and my attachment officially ends. To be precise, there is only 20 days to go.

Anyway, the new year have started on a bright note for me and in the midst of accomplishing some goals which i have left untouched last year.

I have been trying to keep myself busy this month by going for some seminar talks and career talks, in a way trying to create more doors for my future path. But ultimately, it still lies with God who is in control of everything.

I am giving myself till the end of this month to see if there is any offers. If not, i might want to take a short break. It's been a long time since i take a break. Even taking a break this time round might not be a good thing given that the economy is picking up and companies are hiring people now.

Oh well, one step at a time.

2010

First post for the year and immediate thoughts will be some unfinished business that left lying around for the last few years.

6 more weeks to go before my attachment ends but i have actively looking for jobs through friends and agencies. Im not closing the door for my current attachment if there is an opportunity for me.

At the meantime, savour the usher-in of the new year and wishing everyone a blessed and happy new year. God bless!!

Overview of the story

This will be my last post for the year. I know that by saying out this story will not only open several cans of worms, and to suffer repercussions. But what had been done, is done. I will be taking full responsibility of what is been told here.

I am writing this to everyone that got to know my difficulties and problems earlier this year. I am grateful for the moral support and everything that God have given to sustain me. But I find that it's come to a point where I feel like giving up everything.

I believe that in this post, are those curious readers, strangers, etc that happen to read my family's problems since day 1. Family buy shop from bank, business not picking up, shop sold at a loss and had to call relatives for help to fund the losses. And family got into debt that never clear till now.

After that, I came into the picture, with the intention to help. But who knows that I caused even more trouble to my family. It's was a lesson that forever etched in my mind. Recently, my mind began to think of the incidents that I have done in the past and was overwhelmed with guilt.

The reason why i mentioned i feel like giving up everything was because of my inability to help my family over the last 3 years, where i made a decision to study full time rather than working to support the family, or even signing on for the police. At times i really wondered whether i did make the right choice. I know that i still have 2 months to go for my attachment before getting a full time job. Even getting a full time job at my current attachment could be difficult due to job fit, where im not suitable for customer service or front line. In the end, i have to do admin job, sort of like back-end operations. I am not complaining as I gained invaluable experience especially in listening and soft skills such as saying please and thank you.

At times i wanted to have a heart to heart talk with someone that i can confided in, but no one is willing to lent a listening ear. I really dont know how long i could bear with it, especially where next year i have no choice but to take up the responsibility to help my family return the debt through my hard-earned pay. Sometimes i feel that i have enough and wanted an instant resolution to it. But again, i know that that is not the way. I am not even sure of myself either, where previously i have the confidence to do it.

I hope to find my old self again.

Help in vain

On 23 Nov 2009, Parliament in Singapore amended a Bill to have stiff penalties directed at those loansharks, especially those at the top-ranking in the hierachy. In the first place, the government anticipated this problem to occur when the world was facing financial crisis in Sep 2008.

Knowing that there will be a rise in this particular crime, shouldnt the government have done something more to prevent it?

Granted that jobs will lost in the recession, overhead costs will be down and spending power will be less, yet there is a minority of people whose income level is less than 30k per annum, is rejected by the banks or financial institution when they need genuine help? Where do they go to? Plead with their ministers when they went for 'Meet-the-People' session? Seeking financial assistance from other support groups? Or finding loansharks to seek their help?

So now, the Bill had been amended but social problems will still be around. With the Intergrated Resorts in operation next year, it will be a losing fight if the government still not going to do something to help those needy people. Banks or financial institution only granted or approved loans to those whose income level is more than 30k. Yes, considering part of the social problems have to do with gambling, but what about those who really need help in their utilities bills, groceries, transport, etc? Will the support groups able to help those given the red tape?

Sever ties

19 days to go before a brand new year starts.

As usual, not going to make any resolutions as it doesnt work on me.

With exactly 2 months to go for my attachment to end, I cant wait to secure a full time job. I had enough of the past problems that besieged me these 3 years. Every year without fail, I would wondered whether the path that I took is really worth it.

Anyway, there are certain ties that i just have to sever and to cut it off. No point keeping it where resentment and anger is in place.

All the best and a Happy New Year!!

Job fit

Somehow or rather, my worst fears came true. Way before this attachment starts, i already got information that i will be working in this industry. I know myself best in terms of strength and weakness. I was given a choice in working in another industry but given that i already make that choice in the first place, i might as well stick to my choice and see how it goes. It was something that i wont regret no matter what the end results will be, as been in a job scope that im rather weak in. I would take it as an experience gained rather than an opportunity lost.

How wrong i am!

The environment itself is like a war zone. The expectations from both sides (customers and management) is beyond what i could have imagined. What you say to customers must not be offending to them to such a point that a PR script is readied in case you unable to answer the queries.

After 2 months of guarding the gate no matter how hard i try, management isnt pleased with the performances and pull me out. They have put me in another dept where i could brush up my soft skills.

Oh well, the remaining 2 months attachment is the last chance for me, if not i would have to redo the 6 months attachment again.

Lowest ebb

Today is a day where all kinds of feelings come into play. And for the first time that i could remembered, today is the day that i feel the lowest. Compared to the past incidents where i have no control for what i have done, today is also the day where i did nothing yet still in low spirits.

I dont know whether is it because of work or because of my own actions in the past incidents where consequences have started to haunt me. But i only know that i have admit to what i have done and take full responsibilities of it. If the feeling is due to both work and past incidents, i have to run the full course.

There is no way to run away or escape from it. Sometimes i wish i could have a heart to heart talk with someone that im close to or to go to the beach where im comfortable with, sit down and stare blankly into the sky.

My mind right now is very tired from the undue stress.

For a change

A blink of an eye and 2009 is coming to a close. This is a year which i would rather not remembered. This is the year where anything that could happen, have happen.

All my goals and ambitions that i wished to achieve or complete for this year is put on hold till next year. Not that i wanted to procrastinate but rather the wrong steps that i took.

Every year is the same old thing where you wish to have a good and prosperous year, yet get to see and do the wrong things all over again. The only wish i have right now is not to have history repeat all over again.

Wishlist for 2010:
1. Get a job that i really like and love doing rather than for the sake of money
2. Complete my unfinished targeted goals
3. Live a contented life, work hard to achieve the dream as there is no short-cut to success
4. Work in overseas
5. Get a girlfriend (im laughing out loud myself over this wish.. hahahahha)

Speaking of which, the last wish is something that i intend to salvage. The time and committment is still not there where i admit other priorities came first such as my family and my work.

Pursuing dreams

1 month plus into the attachment, I have know the answer whether the job is suitable for me.

Im more or less know the path that is been lay out in front of me.

I would rather pursue something that achieve my goal, my ambition and my dream, rather than pursuing for money.

Money cant buy everything, especially happiness and satisfaction.

Im not saying that im dissatified, but rather this job is not meant for me.

I miss being a little boy

LOL!! I just couldnt resist posting it. Every men will definitely want to be in those little boys' position and take advantage. Though chances of shouting rape or molest is very slim, I doubt Singapore women will allow little boys to do such a thing. The most they will teach the little boy a lesson. I wonder what else Singapore women will do if they are in the situation?

Dilemma

Currently im on 6 months attachment and the environment suits me. Fast-paced but very stressful. However, the only downside of the job is when you did something wrong, the consequences is double-fold.

I have 4 months to go before my attachment ends, and with the only route after graduation is to work. And i got to make a major decision which allows me to stay after my attachment or to find another company.

That's where my dilemma comes in. I know the economy is picking up and banks have started hiring people. I also know that i have to start from bottom of the ladder and gain experience before jumping ship or whatsoever. I need to find something that really interests me.

Im quite interested being a trader, be it in forex or stock. But i need the certification before being a trader. Im still keeping my options open should my current attachment have openings for a full-time job.

At the mean time, the road ahead is dark and unclear to me.

Rebuilding

With the problem firmly behind me, i've began to realise that certain goals are impossible to reach given the limited resources and time. Thus, all the advice given to me at that time is priceless to me now.

Everyone have their goals and ambitions to fulfil. Same goes for me but i have to bear in mind of the realistic goals to fulfil, not impossible goals anymore. You could imagine how risk-adverse, ambitious and advantageous i am at that time.

Now i take one step at a time, taking each day at it is. Guess it's also the time to find back all my interests or pursue new hobbies to keep me content and humble.

New chapter of life

I have finally put an end to my problems and troubles. This chapter of my life will considered the darkest and the most expensive lesson i have encountered.

Currently starting a new chapter in life in my 6 months attachment. I would consider lucky that i didnt bring any emotional lugguage along. The line between work and personal life is so clear that i only mentioned work to those whom i have know in my training class.

A sincere gratitude to those who stand by me during these period of time especially Jaywalk, my poly friends (Yue Yang and Kok Seng), my pastor and brothers and sisters in Christ, my academic manager and tutors who got to know about it.

Thank you and i believe that i have owed alot of favours to these people.

蘇永康 - 相遇太早

當我們再度相視微笑　
成熟的心有一點蒼老
許多的傷痛都已經忘掉　
記憶裡剩下的全是美好

* 妳我都找到新的依靠　
過去對錯已不再重要
只是我們都清楚地知道　
心裡還有個劃不完的句號 *

# 只怪妳和我相愛得太早　
對於幸福又了解的太少
於是自私讓愛變成煎熬　
付出了所有卻讓彼此想逃跑
上天讓我們相遇得太早　
對於緣份卻又給得太少
才讓我們只能 陷在回憶中 懊惱 #

Repeat * # #
才讓我們只能 陷在回憶中 懊惱
----------------------------------

上天讓我們相遇得太早 對於緣份卻又給得太少

Great Importance

A few weeks back, i still remembered very clearly that it was before exams that i lost a friend of a great importance. Though we were not close enough to forge a bond over the last 3 years, her bubbly characteristics leave a very deep impression on me.

I admit that my heart rule over my head, acted too fast and in a way scare her off when i confess my feelings to her. Although not really a direct confession, i guess her sixth sense give her the hint. And that where everything goes downhill.

I also admit that there are certain things i have say in such a way was in a fit of anger and in a harsh tone that speed up the breakdown of the friendship. Despite all the things that she have done from the day i confess, i have never given up on her as a friend (not someone that i like) at all. This shows how much faith i have put in her even though the communication level was very low.

To me, i will still treat her as a friend. Though i know that the chances of salvaging the friendship is very slim, but i still hope (i know is not very hopeful) that i could help her in one way or another, should there be such a request.

Blissful Couple

This Youtube video was reported in the newspaper. At first, i wondered what the hooha all about the bride laughing at her wedded husband for accidentally pronouncing the wrong word. After seeing it, i get to understand the bride's feeling.

A "happily ever after" marriage after all.

Christina Glass - My Love Will Get You Home

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home.
Boy, my love will get you home,
Boy, my love will get you home.

Who meant the most to you?

An interesting email to share..

Do you have any idea of who meant the most to you?

There is this guy who loves two gals at the same time but he don't know which one he loves more. Someone taught him : "If you are happy, who you think of first?

If you think of her, she is the one you love more." NO, THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO TEST THE FORMULA OF LOVE.......

Ask yourself this question honestly:
"When you are sad, which gal/guy you want to share your burden with?" If you think of that gal/guy first, she/he is the one that you love more. However if you think of the same gal/guy when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you didn't think of the same gal/guy, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.

In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many people whom you can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover. If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone. Sadness, however not many people is willing to share burden with you. If you willing to tell her/him your unhappiness, she/he got to be someone who is closest & most understanding to you. In other words, if she/he only think of you when she/he is happy, but look for someone else when she/he is sad. This kind of lover is too unstable, she/he didn't treat you as someone she/he can spend the rest of her life with.

Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her/his happiness. But, if she/he is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her/his side & ease her/his pain. Only then, I will believe I hold a very important position in her/his heart.

If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friendship is a strange thing. We find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives ... things we don't even share with the families who raised us.

But what is a friend? A confidant? A shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen? A heart to feel? A friend is all these ... and more. No matter where we met, no matter how long we've been together ... I call you friend. A word so small, yet so large in feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with love. Truly great things come in small packages.

Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed.

It is a constant book always waiting ...waiting to be read and enjoyed. We may have our disagreements ... we may have our disappointments...we may argue...we may concern one another.

Friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. A part of each of us goes into our friendships... our humor ...our experiences ... our tears.

Friendships are foundation ...necessary for life ... and love.

Optimistic mindset

Yesterday night, i did some soul searching or even took a step back and review what i have done so far. In the midst of changing my blog layout and also preparing for exams at the same time, i have the whole night to ponder.

Currently, i have an ongoing situation which seem to be endless. The nightmare started on 24 July. And it has pretty drained me mentally and physically. It has also distracted me in my studies so much that i have to inform my tutors and advisor about it. The only hope i have now is to solve it as soon as possible. One reason i cant do anything to solve it is because of my limited resources. I have to leave it to third parties interference to settle it. It is out of my hands now and need to shift my priority to my exams.

Sometimes people are too quick to judge that they dont give me a chance to explain. I cant blame them either. But i have only one advise for you and that is: if you think you are in a worse situation, think of people around you. they might be in a more worse situation than you. is just that they never show it.

Thank God for the optimistic mindset He have given it to me. If not, i would have done something very pessimistic.

New layout

I have changed the layout and make it a simpler one. Blogger have make it easier with the additional of widgets which i will be adding some new stuff to my blog. Total time took to change, modified and adding new things to the blog: 1 hr.

Disposable friends

Sometimes im just very amused at how some people treat friends like some kind of disposable items. Some friends in my circle know about my problems because they are older and more experienced in giving advices. As for the rest, the reason i cannot share with them is because they are inexperienced or do not have the ability to help. Neither do i want to increase their burden by making my problem their problem. And i got blamed for not telling them?!?!

Sometimes i also wondered whether the way they say is a true reflection of their personality. Is just like you say it, you meant it. Yet on the other hand, you also doing the same thing. Pot calling kettle black.

There is no way i can please everyone. If there is, i will be a very busy person. Please dont jump to conclusion just because i dont want to say. It's just that you have no means or the ability to help.

Sincere apologises

In the past, whenever i got into a situation, i always seek the easy way out in asking for help. It has become such a routine that i always get the 'Get out of jail free' card every single time.

It was until this incident that i refused to ask for help that i finally got to know the severity of my mistakes.

I also know that because of my own self-centerness as seen in the previous incident posts which i have blogged, and also because of not giving others the consideration, i have actually lost more than what i have thought.

I admit my mistakes and sincerely apologises to those who have been affected by my own selfish actions.

Final post

As of 07 August 2009, I am done with my studies. Im still not sure whether the decision of doing full time studies over the last 3 years is justifiable. Priorities have change over time and immediate concerns are still towards my family. With 2 breadwinners, to pass by each and every single day without problem is a blessing from God.

I believe that as most of my update status is in Facebook, the moment i posted something not very good, the first thing was to come to my blog and find out what has happened. However, this time round, i really couldnt disclose anything even if i wanted to. I want to ask for help again, but it's beyond the limits of a human. I choose to remain quiet and have not stir up big shit as before. And because of my previous actions, i have actually strained the relationships to 3 groups of people.

So far, the support that i have received so far has been very encouraging. Thanks Lord for that if not, i dont think i still have the sanity to keep it going.

On a seperate note, i enjoy the time that i had in poly life. I have a project group that we have been together since year 1. I could have praise my project team till there is no tomorrow but one great thing about them is we cover each other weakness and improve on our strengths. The only regret so far is i never had a chance to work with someone that i once liked. Not a single time but nevertheless, all the best to her. I wonder if there is any opportunity in the future to communicate with her or to work with her. Not very hopeful, actually.

This will be my final post at the moment and hopefully, if God willing, the situation will be solved once and for all.

Beijing Olympics Logo

Ok, this is very outdated since Beijing Olympics 2008 was one year back. zzz

Ever wonder how they got the logo from?

Enjoy the moment.


Ready to fire!


Alamak! Dirty our wall.


Eh, Olympics is coming and still haven come out with a logo right. I think we have something in mind.


Ta-da!

Changes within me

I guess i have reach saturation point where im feeling tired mentally and physically.

I also know that i have send an apology sms to someone but i dont think it really meant anything or any significance.

I no longer hold the belief where time will change everything or heal wounds.

I also realise that i have changed to such an extent that i no longer recognise myself anymore.

I also know that my feelings for someone has come to a point where i no longer feel anything. To me, i find that her priorities are more on the current job that she is having right now than anything else. That's my point of view. I wont be surprised if she sees it and rebukes me again.

Feeling lost

Today may be a special day for me, but i feel uneasingly lost and out of place.

There are alot of things i want to say, but no one is listening.

There are alot of things i want to say to someone, but i dont have the voice.

There are alot of posts in "draft" mode, but i dont have the mood to publish it.

Guess the only medium that i could really speak out is through my blog, but unpublished.

Guess guess guess

Gee, i never know that to make a decision over my 6-months attachment could also stir up traffic at my site, even when i never blog about it. That's very interesting.

To be fair, no one advise me on the decision. So in a way, i stick to what i have chosen in my ranking exercise.

Citiphone or Bank of China? Let you all guess.

Chemistry

Look like my former working colleague know my style afterall despite only working for 7 weeks with her.

She say that im the sort of person who understands people very well, build up chemistry very fast. If i am a chemical, it will be something very explosive and dangerous. Only take a short while to get a reaction unlike other chemicals where you have to use burner to heat it up or to go through filtering (take the own sweet time to understand other people).

She also say that my style is not suited for the poly where things are taken at a much slower pace. And advise me to look elsewhere when i start working after i graduate.

Oh well, leave it to fate or let nature take its course, whichever you want to call it.

Petition

I find that some petition groups are either petition without research or just petition to attract attention. One particular group that i find it very amused was the "Petition against high bus fares for poly students."

This petition group have been reported in the newspapers over the last few months. But i feel that it will still not approved even after we graduated. And i begin to see where the relevant authorities such as Public Transport Council (governance body that adjust the bus fare) and 2 major bus companies are coming from.

There are alot of reasons as to why the authorities just refused to lower the bus fares for poly students. But one is enough. Let just compared the school timing between poly students and JC students. Do i need to say more?

Granted that the timing for poly life is very flexible, some ends at 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, or even the latest at 6pm, what will the majority of the students be doing after school? Go out? Stay back to do projects? Go home after having a mental torture in understanding lectures and tutorial? Or go and work to earn some supplement income?

Does the last option able to apply to JC students? My reasoning might not be very strong but the link is there. You dont see JC students go and work part time in their school uniforms. Even if they want to work, it's only during the weekend or the school vacations. Whereas poly students are able to work anytime as soon as class finishes. Poly students have more disposable income compared to JC students, i should say.

The ground of this petition was that the JC pay tertiary student price yet poly students have to pay adult price for a bus ride. Even the price of concession between JC students and poly students are a big difference. I think i have given more than 1 reason as to why the authorities is not bothering about this petition.

最近 - 李聖傑

你最近不說話 怎麼了 為什麼
是不是有什麼事讓妳不快樂
聽說你最近很孤單 有點亂有點慌
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁

妳想要的 我卻不能夠給妳我全部
我能給的 卻又不是妳想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
妳常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路

你最近不說話 怎麼了 為什麼
是不是有什麼事讓妳不快樂
聽說你最近很孤單 有點亂有點慌
可是我卻不能夠在你的身旁

妳想要的 我卻不能夠給妳我全部
我能給的 卻又不是妳想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
妳常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路

愛 我卻不能給妳我全部
我能給的 卻又不是妳想要擁有的
我們不適合也不想認輸
好幾次我們抱著彼此都是想要哭
妳常解釋這樣的一切都只是開始
我覺得是所有的一切早就已結束
不想再約束 不要再痛苦
下一次會有更好的情路
這一次我們都能很幸福

Randomly tagged

Got tagged by friends in Facebook. Decided to post in my blog.

1. What color is your toothbrush?
Orange

2. Name one person that made you smile today?
Brother

3. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
In school for WISP

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Bathing

5. What is your favorite candy?
Lollipop

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Forgotten already

8. What is the best ice cream flavor?
Chocolate chips

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Ice mocha

10. What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
48 hours. now cannot already.

11. Have you ever made a promise you'd die to keep?
Yeap

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nope

13. The last sporting event you watched?
Olympic in china 2008

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Sweet

15. Who is the last person you sent a message on facebook?
The one who tagged me for this note.

16. Ever gone camping?
Yeap

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
No.

18. Do you have a pet?
No

19. Do you have a tan?
No

20. Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
Yes

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
No

22. What did your last text message say?
May i know what will i be doing for the 1 hour?

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Go to school

24. Where is your dad?
Sleeping

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
Fan

26. What color is your watch?
Got such colour as invisible?

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Opera House

28. What is your birthstone?
Sapphire

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Go in

30. What is your favorite number?
2

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Stanley

32. Any plans today?
Relax

33. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Common Tests

34. Last song listened to?
In the end by Kat DeLuna

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Yup, i can say it if all the alphabets are in front of me. Crap

36. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
No

37. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My weather-proof shoes

38. Are you jealous of anyone?
No

39. Is anyone jealous of you?
I dont think so

40. Do you love anyone?
No

41. Do any of your friends have children?
Yes

42. What do you usually do during the day?
Go school and then come back home sleep. Im such a boring person

43. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Nope

44. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yes. people whom i meet in school and people whom i talk on the phone

45. What color is your car?
Invisible colour car

46. Do u like cats?
No

47. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
No

48. How did you get your worst scar?
Dont have any scar

49. Last cigarette?
non-smoker

50. Last CD played?
that a long time ago. 4 years ago?

51. Last BUBBLE bath?
No such luxury

52. Last time you cried?
Forgotten

53. Last meal?
Lunch

54. Have you ever dated someone twice?
No

55. Have you ever kissed someone & regretted it?
No

56. Have you ever fallen in love?
Yes

57. You ever lost someone?
No idea

58. Have you ever slept until 1pm?
Yes

59. Have you ever been drunk and threw up?
Drunk - no, threw up- yes

60. List FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to:
Yue Yang, Zhi wei, Pei wei, Qi xian and one of my buddies

61. List THREE favorite colors/shades:
White, Black and blue

62. Laughed until you cried:
Yup

63. Went behind your parents back:
Staying overnight during primary school

64. Your last kiss?
A few years back

65. Gay Marriage?
Im straight

66. Lowering the drinking age?
No need, i hit the legal age already.

67. Who are the best huggers that you know?
No idea

68. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Last time yes. Now i donno.

69. Is there something you want to tell someone?
Nope

70. What brand of shirt are you wearing?
Kappa long sleeve shirt

71. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends list?
I never create any top friends list in fb

72. How many kids do you want to have?
No idea

73. Do you want to change your name?
Nope

74. Last time you saw your father?
This morning

75. What time did you wake up today?
6am

76. How old are you?
26. Old man already

77. What were you doing at midnight last night?
In my dreamland already

78. What is your favorite thing in your room?
My laptop

79. Where is your best friend right now?
Working

80. Anything else to say?
Alot of questions are repetitive.

Not going to tag anyone.

Attention span

Today i met someone and give me advise that is been true all along. He said that i have very short attention span that doesnt last very long. I dont have any hobbies that able to keep me still, which is very true.

Even if there is something that able to keep me focused, i will stay on till the end of the project, so that in a way i know that it is complete. But after that, i wont get to try again, i would try something new already.

He also mentioned that i have to find something that really keep my interest and has a very high probability of been an entrepreneur.

But hor, now got what things to invent or modified that i could market? Zzzzzz..

My future

In 3 months time, i will be done with studies for the time being. I donno whether i did take the right route in education where i should be working full time and study part time rather than my current situation where studies take up majority of your time.

When i served finish my National Service 4 years back and a place reserved for my education in polytechnic, i was initially very hesitant to continue my studies. Because i know that the gap between ITE and polytechnic is still very big. One concentrated on technical aspects such as calculations and IT-related skills like Excel and Powerpoint, another focus on the theory aspects such as research and analysis to prove your point, regardless of whether is right or wrong.

I also know that my motivation for studies have dropped to such a level that i did intend to sign on for police as a career to support myself independently rather than rely on my parents.

I still have 9 months to ponder what is my career before i formally graduates.

I would take it as a long-suffering trial rather than short-term gains for studies. I am also thinking whether is this one of the turning points in my life. Currently i have 2. One is when i accepted Christ, another one will be the incidents that happened 6 weeks ago.

This is me

I dont think anyone in poly really know me well to a personal level where both parties are comfortable with each other.

I maybe quiet on the first impression, but if you know me well, trust me, i can be very chatty and playful. In a way, i have tried to improve myself over the years to open up myself more whenever there is orientation or any first-time meet up. Seriously, my friends have seen the big difference.

To some, im may still be an introvert to them. To some, im outgoing and even outspoken.

Frankly speaking, im not a person who is afraid of criticisms, or get scolded by people. In fact, i appreciated more if anyone have told me directly where i have done wrong, rather than passing the message through a third party. Yet, some people still cant accept the way i am. I wont blame them since there are hell lots more of people whom they can accept. There also people whom i cant accept as well initially, but over time, we accept each other strength and weaknesses.

I have finally understood what is the meaning of "it takes 2 hands to clap."

Leadership

Few days back, i tried out this Facebook quiz "Discover your name number" and i got 1 which stands for Leader. I know that leaders have natural abilities and talents to lead and influence people. But do i really have this natural ability or talent? Im not doubting myself, but i find that my way of handling things have been come to questions lately with those incidents. People sure say, "This guy be a leader, sure die one."

Back in secondary school or in ITE, i have kana alot. Be it in my CCA (NPCC) or been a monitor for 4 years in a row, i have also attend alot of leadership camps. Even my personality test also mentioned that im a leader, but a technical leader that is good in hands on. Anyone heard of the D.I.S.C test? The results came back and im a high D personality. It's stand for Dominance and high dominance people are very active in dealing with problems and challenges. Some of the characteristics of Dominance people are demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering.

Prehaps someone wiser to explain how to channel my energy for more useful purposes.

Fast walker

A few weeks back, one of my friend commented that i walk very fast. I walk very fast not because i wanted to, but is due to my NS stint that my walking speed a tad too fast to catch up.

During my NS, i was attached to prison where we have to do prowling along the prison perimeters. You all could imagine how big a prison is, and to walk round the perimeter requires at least 1 hour to walk finish.

There will be a prison officer to accompany me and my dog during the prowling. There are 2 timings to the prowling. One is in the evening when there is a change in personnel. The other one is at night which i have to do 2 times which is around in the middle of the night and before the change of personnel again.

Most of us dread the timing of the prowling whenever there is a change of personnel because the prison officers are going home on the dot. Even my dog pants heavily when we finish the prowling.

So if i walk quite fast, you all could ask me to slow down one, just that im used to it already.

Saved by God

Since the matter have been settled last week, it's time to bring it to a close.

I know that what i have posted might have and could have caused a change in impression in me. But i also realised that whatever i did, i have to account for my own actions and my own conscience. Not to humans, but to God. Some people question why i blog about it to open the cans of worms. It just something that i cant make myself to forget as the lessons in these incidents are really too priceless to ignore.

I may not be a good Christian or have been a good testimonial as children of God, but at least i know, God didnt forsake me.

This chapter of life is indeed the darkest moment for me. Hope this incident will bring me closer to God.

Puzzled

All these years, i have never give any trouble to anyone. Not to my friends, not to my church friends, not even to the barflies. Till this incident.

But there is something i still cannot understand until now despite my problem is been cleared once and for all.

The person that helped me, i have the contact in my phone for like 5-6 years, yet i never take the effort to contact. For both incidents, i look for other people like my friend to get me out of the shithole. I thought i was out of the shithole till he also got an emergency to attend and need the funds back. I browsed my phone book for donno how many times yet i still can overlook the contact. Mind you, for both incidents, i actually overlook it. I never blame my friend for helping out, just that i was expecting someone who is more financially stronger to help.

I will never forget how desperate and at my wits end at that time with time approaching fast to the deadline. I only know that i keep browsing and browsing for the help that i wanted. From A to Z, Z to A. The last hour was really the last throw of the dice till something tells me, "Look very carefully.."

"I have already exhausted all contacts and i have to look through again, what a joke!" That was what my mind was telling me. So i just obey and slowly browse till i saw the name. It was like a rock been lifted up beneath me. For once, i never have such peace or relief for 3 weeks.

But i also know that i have lost more from what i have done.

Dead in the water

To juggle studies, personal problem and matters of the heart for 3 weeks is not an easy fest. Not a single complain was heard from me. Since i have settled my personal problem, now i shall settle the matters of the heart.

As far as this matter is concerned, it is dead in the water. Im not an emotional person to begin with as i find that feelings were not in a developed stage. There were alot of miscommunication and assumptions that leads to the break down of friendship.

There were a couple of comments that i did not say or mentioned, or in a way directed at her. I was also in the wrong for assuming her that she read my blog.

Anyway, i cant be bothered anymore or who is reading my blog. As far as my blog is concerned, i wont change address just for the sake of it.

Pastdoings

In the past, i was wilful and ignorant till a time that i truly got a wake up call.

It was an experience that i wouldnt want to go through it again. It was really a "once bitten twice shy" incident. That time, i approached people for help and luckily my friend help me out. The length of time from the first incident to the current incident does not do any justice in a way because people preceived that i was back to my old ways.

They just rejected my request straight away without asking what have happened. I was also fully aware of the consequences and did not deny any responsibilities that i have done. I admit that it was my biggest mistake to ask people whom i dont really know to a personal level, to get a loan.

That's all i have to say.

On my own

This problem, i only told to certain people. To prevent any bad news, rumors or people talking behind my back, i decided to come out and confess the truth.

A few months back, one of my friend help me to settle a debt. This debt was originally intended to return when my 6 months attachment start. However, 3 weeks ago, he face an emergency and need the funds back.

For 3 weeks, i ask for help. But the help just refused to come. If you think that my studies is not affected, think again. I told everyone that it will be the last and final help as far as this matter is concerned. I even told them that this debt will be return when my attachment start in 3 months time. I only need a grace period of 3 months.

All the advice given to me for that duration of time is very helpful. But it does not help me in any sense, given that i am still a full-time student. Family are unable to help as they have a failed business several years ago. Banks and school arent going to help much either as there are lots of red tape to clear.

I know that for the last 3 weeks, i have pissed off alot of people due to my desperation shown in my smses. For that, i could only say sorry.

Anyway, the help did arrived in the nick of time. This final help was a big jump and i was definitely appreciated of it. As far as i know, i will be on my own starting from today.

Study Table

Finally got my ass up and clean up my study desk. The last clean up was 4 years ago, during my ITE education. During the last 2 years in poly, i was using another makeshift table for my tutorials and projects discussion. It was so uncomfortable sitting in an awkward position that i have to really clean up the desk. Ya lah, im very lazy for the last 2 years.



This is the "after cleaning up" picture. I didnt take the "before cleaning up" picture because it is in a much worse state.

Clarification

Great, just great. Damages has been done but nevertheless, im going to clarify everything in this post.

I did not tell anyone or everyone about this matter. Prior to it, i only tell 1 person, and that person was someone close to her.

Whoever is trying to distort the facts or to create misunderstanding, pls dont let me catch the person.

Not myself

For the last 2 weeks, i was not in my usual self, even my friends have noticed that. I was not avoiding anyone, for the record.

Just that something have happen and didnt expect the cycle to come back so fast as expected.

Anyway, just found out something that someone doesnt want me to know. Look like i have the answers to it already. No point forcing something that is not yours. No point creating fate that is still not there. Guess is a matter of time that even been friends would also be very difficult.

Culture Club - Karma Chameleon

Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listen to your lies would you say
Im a man without conviction
Im a man who doesnt know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go
You come and go

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green

Didnt hear your wicked words every day
And you used to be so sweet I heard you say
That my love was an addiction
When we cling our love is strong
When you go youre gone forever
You string along
You string along

Every day is like a survival
Youre my lover not my rival
Every day is like a survival
Youre my lover not my rival

Im a man without conviction
Im a man who doesnt know
How to sell a contradication
You come and go
You come and go

Mobile Sardine

One week ago, Public Transport Council (PTC) fined Singapore Bus Services Transit (SBS) and Singapore Mass Rapid Transit (SMRT) for breach of quality of services standards. The fine amount was $4,500 and $100 respectively. Report is here.

However, the list of buses making into the list was a mere 20. I would have close one eye, two eyes or dont even bothered about the news, given that these two bus companies are striving to improve the quality standards.

But this evening, i seriously doubt about the standards of been improving. The bus number is in the list, to say the least. By the time the last passenger got onto the bus, the bus is already a mobile sardine. I wonder how PTC derive the percentage, especially the "not exceeding 95% during weekday peak hours"

Is it to the point where passengers standing at the front entrance of the steps, where bus captains have no other alternatives but not to stop at the next bus stop until majority of the passengers are alighting at the same bus stop?

Or is it to the point where passengers' faces are been sqeezed to the windows that hit the 95%?

Dont get me wrong. I did saw other bus captains on standby the moment the first bus is filled to a certain extent that the bus captain direct the rest of the passengers to the next bus. I did saw 2 buses coming at the same time.

Somehow, this bus number is on the list.

Blogged!

I received an email from Amy Liu from the Marketing Dept of Blogged.com that my blog is reviewed by the editors and got a score of 6.3/10 for Frequency of updates, relevance of content, site design, and writing style.




Thanks Amy!

Personality Type - ISTP

Basically, this website shows us that there are 16 different personalities. There isnt a need to answer any questions, no need to choose any favourite colours, neither is there a need to redo the quiz to your liking. Different people got different personalities and im not any different from others as well.

As for me, im the ISTP type which stands for Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving.

This is my strength and weakness as an ISTP, which includes status as a lover, parent and friends.

This link shows how i should improve in an ISTP mentality.

Apologises for having to link up as, if i cut and paste the 3 pages long, it will look very wordy and people might lose interest. I am recommending this website to those who wants to know more about themselves. =)

A Chinese Odyssey

Cowboy Bar

These are the bunch of barflies that i got to know over the years since i joined the Cowboy Bar 2 years ago. Same time when i enrolled to poly. ><

From Cowboy Bar forum to Plurk to Facebook, we are typical up-to-date with technology that keeps us in touch anywhere in the world. In case you wonder, we have move to Plurk instead of going back to the Cowboy Bar forum.

The reason of pixelling the pictures is they want to remain anonymous in the virtual world. As for how we treat people when first came into the Bar, you would have a culture shock. That's for you to guess, for us to find out.

However, these people wont bring their virtual identity to the real world. We meet up for wii-gatherings during festive holidays, or meet up every Thursday for Wala for a couple of drinks.

For you

I have say what i want to say. Initially i was waiting for you to scold or post an emotional outburst, but nothing comes out of it.

I have nothing to hide. If what i have say is able to break down the ice 2 years ago, then i believe is worth it. However, i doubt so given that we were in different modules, different classes most of the time, even now.

Ok, nothing good to see in my blog liao..

Loss of words

Im very puzzled at the moment.

Someone is reading my blog which i find it very puzzling as she only start to read my blog right after the exams. If you are saying that you are first time visitor, i have no comments. But to see it on a daily basis, i will start to get very suspicious already.

Currently, im at a loss of words to blog or comment. I want to say something out but i cant seem to force myself to say it out loud. Because i know that, once i say it, it will either improve the situation or worsen it.

Pfft....

Comfort zone

This morning, i called my academic manager regarding the new semester modules and enquiry about working in the private sector.

I think i just found my comfort zone in my current working place. Though i have to deal with 4 person's workload, i dont feel any pressure as i was given my own time to finish my work. It just make my time go faster.

However, she prefers me to work in the bank due to my relevant course of study.

Oh well, see how it goes ba.. Maybe i do need to get out of my comfort zone..

The lady

This post is dedicated to someone..

Once upon a time, a big monk and a little monk were travelling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet. The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk, 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite'.

The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, that is after the unpleasant event is over. This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

Big difference

Finally i realised the difference of working in a government agency and a private sector. And it's a huge difference.

When i worked in Ministry of Transport, the workload had been more or less settled and assigned to me. However, the company that im currently working is entirely different thing. You have to take the initiative to ask for work to be done if not, you will be sitting in office rotting.

Both have their pros and cons. But private sector have an advantage over it because the lack of the red tape. You cant shoot email all the way up to the top when you are in government sector. But you could do that when you are in private sector.

If given a choice, i will definitely go for private sector.

Purpose of life

Today on the way home from work and it was taking longer than usual to reach home. For awhile, i thought i was having a bad day as wherever the bus ply the route, there will be a massive traffic jam.

Then i realised there was an accident happened when i saw the EMAS signboard. I looked further ahead, i saw police blinkers. Must be a minor accident, that was what i thought initially.

When accidents happened, all the motorcycles and vehicles will slow down and see the vehicle plate number to buy 4D. Even the bus driver. What i saw next, it was just like an unknown force that stop me from pursuing my goals and ambitions.

Fatal accident. Blood been washed away by water as though the traffic police are clearing the evidence. But the memory is still running in my mind right now. And it leads me to think that life is indeed precious. What you achieve will be gone in an instant.

And somehow an inevitable question that got me asking, "Achieve so much, what's the use? At the end of the day, also have to die."

Passion Lost

It has come to a time where i think i have lost the passion of blogging. World events like current affairs are coming in so fast that if you blogged a day late, it's considered old news liao.

As for my own, I have ushered in the New Year on a quiet note. Though i still meet up with the barflies for gatherings or special events, I would say the current status suits me the best. If only I could maintain the stagnant line throughout the year. heh

Studies-wise, I have finished my 2nd year technically with only exams to go.

Well, i do have some news to blog about. Most probably will do it after exams.

A strong mind

Take a look at this video. This man shows just how strong his mind and body can be. Without hands and legs, he still live like an able-bodied person.

Arab's playground

So it has been widely reported that Arab countries are trying to buy Chelsea Football Club and Liverpool Football Club.

Liverpool Football Club is facing the credit crunch where money dried up literally with no money to spend on players and new stadium, while Chelsea Football Club is the owner is sick of the club as he wants the club to be the Europe's elite by winning the European Cup, but so far have been elusive to him.

With a combined worth of $1 billion of these 2 clubs, prehaps the Arab owners could have use the money to better uses. Maybe the following suggestions might work:

- Buy over all Singapore football clubs, improve the standards of local footballers with other foreigners. But then, it will only have negative spillovers as the standards of Singapore footballers is getting worse. World Cup qualifiers, Asian Cup qualifiers, not even a sniff at Finals. One best example will be England. Every foreign players plying their trade there, England footballers are on the decline, even their performance in the World Cup and no-show in European Championships says it all.

- Host World Cup in Singapore, or prehaps present the World Cup trophy to Singapore. Money can buy anything to make the world go round.

- Or to award the Arabs a Nobel prize for saving the current world economy.

Any better suggestions?

Joke

First post of 2009 shall begin with a joke.

A Taiwanese man with very poor, practically no knowledge of English once visited the US.
His name happened to be Teng Xiao Ping.

At the Immigration desk, the officer asked him a few questions to verify his true intentions of coming to the US :-

First he was asked, "What is the last name of our first President?"
Not knowing English neither what was the question, he guessed they must have asked him for his family name. So he replied,"Wa Sing Teng" (in Hokkien meaning My Last Name is Teng).

The officer heard "Washington" (same sound) so passed him of the first question.

Second question was, "What do you intend to do in the US?" This time the Taiwanese thought, naturally he would be asked of his first name.

So he replied, "Xiao Ping." The officer heard "Shopping", so nodded and proceeded with his third question.

"What car do you drive back home?"

The tourist thought he was asked of his marital status, so he exclaimed, "Wa Bo Bo!" (in Hokkien meaning I don't have a wife).
And the officer heard "Volvo".So he smiled with pleasure and asked another question.

The fourth question was, "Who is the most popular basketball player here in the US?"

By this time our Taiwanese friend was getting a bit impatient and annoyed hence shouted, "Mai Ho Wa Ja Dan. ("meaning don't let me wait here).
The officer heard, "Michael Jordan!".

With great appreciation for this tourist's wide knowledge about the US, the officer let him through without further harassment.