Randomness (42)

spoke to three friends about it.. all give different answers to this problem..

- since the feeling is still there, go for it..
- you have to see for yourself, maybe you should take one step at a time..
- give up lah.. since she go back on her words..

i can feel depression is hitting me very hard on this matter.. but i told myself that i cant give up without a fight.. i want to know where i stand.. i dont like to see myself been defeated way before the fight begins..

Reflections 2005

a much needed break for 1 week only to go back to work on the new yr eve.. blah..

2006.. hmm.. what to expect.. for the first half of the yr, nothing much.. have to serve finish before i could get to do anything..

second half of the yr is what im looking for.. i blog in the earlier post about what i plan to do.. i cant wait for the time to come..

recently, i really donno how come my feelings turn out to be like this.. its freaking me out and making me very weird..

for 6 yrs, i have this feelings for this gal.. i tried to go for other gals as well.. so dont say i wasted my entire 6 yrs just for this gal.. she went for overseas studies.. she say that she want to concentrate on her studies, fair enough.. i respect her decision and wanted to maintain a constant communication through msn, but she somehow reject it..

throughout these 6 yrs from what i know, she have been through 3 relationships including now.. now this is the weirdest part, im not angry at all despite finding out from reliable sources.. the feelings is kind of on-off and when she had a failed relationship, it just give me renewed hope.. but i have to admit that i didnt put in efforts.. =
this matter, i only told one of my sister-in-christ (a hint to where i have a feeling to this gal)..

my only question is this (dont think anyone can answer this).. is she the one for me and is it worth giving up once and for all for this girl?

Life in K-9 (61)

is basically the same old stuff.. lol..

saw blacky vomit in front of my very own eyes.. he was standing in the field not doing anything. His body was kind of grumbling then it happened.

i dont think i will go back to HQ anymore. the reason is CSB is welcoming 2 HQ colleagues. both are regulars as one of them is recent signed on. i was so happy to see them on wednesday when they came to our side for training. at least there are HQ colleague which i could really work with them since they coming to CSB..i was so lonely in CSB that i want to go back to HQ..you should know the feeling of been working in HQ and have to go to CSB where people are picking on you.. i will be changing team again, most prob after chinese new yr. im seeing myself working with one of them..hehe..

i have passed my shooting.. so i left with one to go and that is my ippt..

Randomness (41)

i kept my mouth shut too long liao.. need to clarify something.. anyone know about the post where someone say that guys interested in this girl and along the line, i say that this girl's heart is not faithful.. firstly, i didnt jump to conclusions that the couple's relationship was on the rocks because of third parties or because of the girl's will of going through hardship in the relationship.. what i want to say is that the guy's profile in the friendster give me the impression, not that i want to jump to conclusion. people reading it will have this impression.

secondly, the post that i mention about the relationship and now, didnt even mention that the word "break-up" and no, im not having the last laugh over what i say to this girl in the first argument in this past friendship. ever since she ended this friendship, i dont even give a damn about what is going on in her relationship. hopefully this is the last post about her in the year 2005.

now, i find out some friendster profile change coincidentally after i blog about it. "friends are not forever, sucky ones can disappear from my life..." this is the second guy whose friendster profile i mention about it in the earlier post when he request to be my friend.

from these 2 friendster profile show that they are reading my blog.. im not so sure about the first guy.. it could be the ex-female friend reading it..

i also found out some weird behaviours about girls from my female friend.. lol.. when i told her about my ex-friend call me.. she say that this ex-friend could already have feelings for me, and given though the friendship ended, she still kept my hp no.. so, what the use of keeping it?

anyway, hope i have say what i want to say about her..

for me, only thing to blog is i have the intention to buy a car next year end. well, that my ideal time frame to get, but the problem is, i donno what car to get..lol

1) mazda (what i like is the semi auto manual transmission)
2) toyota ( donno.. lol.. maybe is more suitable for family and friends)
3) lexus ( only fancy car is RX300 but too ex at the moment, maybe in the near future..)

after much consideration, i will opt for toyota.. wonder if this brand of car got semi auto manual transmission.. (heard encores of NO!!) ok fine, thank you!!

What to do after ORD

hmm.. what to do after i ord??

some options here -

1) as a driver (reasons: erm, i drive police vehicles..lol.. and already got 3 yrs driving experience)

2) as a dog handler( reason: oh, spend my 1 1/2 yrs in dog unit.. handles quite a number of dangerous dogs.. compare to pet dogs, is nothing)

3) as a bumming around student (further studies for obvious reasons)

4) as a white collar worker (specialise in accounts, tax, audit)

7 more months to ord and no more uniformed groups.. i dont care about where im posted anymore.. be it in HQ, changi or other parts of singapore, i dont give a damn anymore.. as long i did my job, wait for my pay to come on the 12th.. im easily contented.. lol.. what for trying so hard when you cant get the things that you want.. maybe i will take it as a blessing in disguise for the posting to changi.. coming year end, time to review what i have did during this year and making resolution for the new year.. later post then..

The call

0511pm, my hp rings.. 9xxxxxx9.. this no very familiar.. eh, is my ex-friend's hp no.. i didnt pick up the first time as i donno why she called in the first place.. so the phone stop, i heaved a sigh of relief..

0512pm, same no again.. i was feeling very uneasy and piss off seeing the no now.. what does she want? so i took a deep breath and pick up the call..

me: "hello?"
caller: "where are you?"
me: "who is this?"
caller: "NICOLE!! where are you?"
me: "huh?"
caller: "where are you?"
me: "at home.."
caller: "eh..wait a min, hai.. called the wrong gary.."

i end the call without saying anything.. my no is still with her.. is it because i will give a prank call to her.. or sms to her.. i wont do that so long as the friendship is not there.. i have already deleted the no when the friendship is over..

note to someone whom i believe still read my blog.. pls delete the no as i dont want to have anything to do with you..

Donation denied

shit man today.. saw mr ungentleman at PS.. and those girls asking for donations at PS entrance.. picture this.. infront of me there is a group of girls.. and i saw this girl targeting me for my attention.. she never went for that group of girls, she went for me instead.. i saw her coming, but she was too fast.. she plead with me to part my $5 for a key-chain.. call me kor kor.. say she will go down on her knees to beg me and have stand at there for quite long.. in the end, i never give my $5 to her and also apologise to her.. yes, i was alone..

one thing, i never trust in all these surveys, donations or details about me through strangers walk up to me.. i got trick into one.. so if you have to blame, blame that person..

Life in K-9 (60)

just called DY earlier in the evening.. he say he will bring me back on the condition that the new intake undergo SD training for another 3 months.. and i also told him what my mdm have advice me..

i realised alot of things regarding about my transfer to CSB.. firstly, i find the transfer as a blessing in disguise.. so-call a break from the stressful working environment..

secondly, those regulars in HQ have shift all the blame on me where they should be doing part of the security.. now they are suffering.. talking about not doing and now have to force to do it.. but they are not stupid either.. can call up to the prison and say not enough manpower..

i have a point to prove to them when im fully recharged and back to haunt them..

Life in K-9 (59)

im such a bad boy today that i dont deserved to receive any present from Santa this yr.. what did i do? i drive to my deployment and caused Blacky to vomit twice.. this shows that my driving is reckless and aggressive.. or is it Blacky suffer from car sickness..

Blacky: "Grrr...!!"
Me: "NO!!" *stop growling at me..*
Blacky: "..........."

today had a talk with my mdm at her office.. requesting to go back to HQ.. she ask me for a reason which i cant find or either that is she feel that my reason is not strong enough.. she ask me to stay until next feb before she could allow me to go back to HQ.. provided that HQ still wants me and there is a vacancy.. hmm.. sounds very slim hor.. nvm.. still got DY..

seriously, if HQ does want me in the first place, why my mdm is fighting for me to stay at CSB? is it because she know that my heart lies in HQ? hmm..

tomorrow i will get to hear what my DY have to say to me..

Life in K-9 (58)

guys, i really need your help this time.. i in a fix.. today just gone back to HQ for the first time for inservice since transfer to Changi Sub Base.. yesterday i did come back as well, to exchange of vehicles, and dont ever try to drive from Choa Chu Kang to Changi and from Changi to Choa Chu Kang, it is very tiring..

pls give your honest opinion about where should i stay.. too many people saw me today and ask, "so, when you coming back?"
my reply to all, "i donno.." my mind was also saying, "why ask me? you all should be asking the management.." i know now HQ is short of manpower.. CSB also short of manpower.. then what you all want me to do? Cut me into 3 pieces meh.. one in HQ team A.. one in HQ team D.. one in CSB team D.. and besides that after i gone to CSB, now everyone in HQ ask me this qn.. im not that important lah.. life still carry on without me lah.. without me, you all also wont die.. still have to carry on with deployment..

HQ: high-ranking officers gives unneccessary stress.. portsdown is the only hell that i been through.. other places like QRP and CSB prison like Kaki Bukit Centre and Selarang Park is nothing, compared to Portsdown..

CSB: lack of training facilities for both handler and dog.. after deployment, can go and rest and dont have the determination to go and exercise..

both places got its good and bad.. not one place that ive been to is so-call perfect.. so can someone pls give me an answer/advice/suggestion? both places i have been and work before.. so what i given to you is those bad points.. i dont want to give any good points away as CSB doesnt want to have anything to do with HQ..

the deadline is on the 5th of dec.. although i have given my word that i would stay in CSB in an earlier post.. but from that period of time to this current post, something have happen to me in CSB.. is just that someone doesnt want me to have a new start in CSB, been constantly reminded of what i have did in HQ and doesnt really know what i have gone through in HQ.. he simply jumped to conclusions too easily and he only heard a one-sided story from HQ and not from me to make it a whole story.. what i been through in HQ is multiply by 10 fold.. and so to CSB, is already nothing new to me.. this guy, who have not experienced of HQ life, will find life difficult going for him if he use army tactics..

and another thing was, Blacky need training.. only place i could train is in HQ.. and the dog assessment and trial will come in march next yr..

so pls read the whole post very carefully, and give me the opinion/advice/suggestion in the tagboard before 5th of dec.. that where i will call my mdm in CSB and also DY-CO in HQ about the final destination..

Critic blogger

i think i no need to tell you about why i decided to be a critic for the celebrity blogger..

http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2005/11/harrys-goblet-and-pot-of-fire.html

people have spoken about how the movie is and shouldnt give a high expectations and also shouldnt follow the book..

i know that we as a critic cant change the way she blog.. but she have done it as if the whole blogging world is to herself.. the theory is the same as to the new dish and food that wanted to try out but yet people say, "it sucks!!"

Randomness (40)

just back from bugis.. went window shopping with my buddies.. it's been a long time since i give my opinions on the clothing that they wanted to buy.. or vice versa..

i think i could be a critic for this celebrity blogger.. is just a matter of time.. details will be reveal later.. tired..

and pls, for the sake of those wanted to try a new dish, meal, food that is on offer or limited time only.. dont give comments.. you dont like then dont like.. dont say sucks and make me thinking, "if really not nice, what for they make the effort to make the new dish to let us try.." different people got different taste, some might like it, some might not.. everytime hear it, i will be very reluctant to try it out.. and everytime the result i taste the food is different.. either is nice or not nice.. at least hearing not nice gives you the urge wanting to try the new food even more..

Randomness (39)

woohoo.. saw chio bu when deployed at selarang park DRC.. not ordinary chio bu.. but girls who committed minor offences from girls home.. they and those boys from boys home came to the prison for an excursion.. i donno what is their visit here for.. i just take my dog and off to my designated area..

i had the most irritating people just now while watching movie, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.. why i say irritating? that easy, because those people just stand up and walk up and down along the aisle just to go to the toilet.. i cant even have the peace to see the whole show without any people moving around.. not only that, there are some people who are late for the show, have to obstruct our view while checking whether they are getting the right seats.. argh.. the movie atmosphere is ruined by those people..

seriously, i cant understand why some people's blog got so much attention that they are literally falling into critics trap.. i dont wish to say who is it but from the initials (XX) you will know.. critics have been constantly cast an eye at her blog.. no doubt that she is a celebrity for blogging.. but the way she is handling now is a problem.. she laugh at what the critics say.. she think that the critics are childish.. she dont wish to talk about it and yet she blog about it in a long post.. i can understand other people's blog been shoved into the limelight out of a sudden through newspaper.. some cant take it, some can take it.. and i have utmost respect for them.. notice the difference here.. whatever critics throw at them, they just keep quiet.. but as for XX's blog, she throw back what critics have throw and causes critics to throw even more at her..

XX's popularity isnt that hot as in 2 yrs ago.. her posts are not that interesting anymore.. im not a critic for her..

Life in K-9 (57)

the question came inevitable this morning.. "do you want to stay in CSB..?"

i hesitated for awhile before adding, "erm, i think i stay in CSB.." i know, i wanted to go back to HQ initially.. but in my mind, i have a thousand and one reason to give.. the environment is really sucks.. you got to face those unreasonable officers.. doing 12hrs portsdown.. dont wish to see someone.. the list goes on.. but ultimately, life in CSB is a new start for me.. no stress.. no need to see those officers' face..

i donno whether those officers will play another trick on me again.. asking me to return after a 3 month stint at there..

Life in K-9 (56)

call my friend in SOC who happen to be a physical trainer and help me to check my IPPT results again.. i told my supervisor and friends about my result but fail, they all got shocked.. hopefully it is a mistake.. but it was not to be.. just receive a call from him that i have to retake all over again.. argh.. nvm.. just take it as a one off exercise..

and another thing will like to add is i finally got my police driving permit (PDP).. and got a taste of sending deployment as a driver.. haha.. Blacky, you dont have a choice now.. *Blacky glups*

think i need to take a pic of Blacky in case anything happen.. an obituary pic.. lol.. nah.. will take some pic with my best partner in crime for the last half a yr and post the best in Friendster.. i think i fallen in love with Blacky.. his eyes.. his look as a wolf.. his black muscular body..im so used to those prison warden say, "wah..like wolf.. so black, at night cannot see.." the way he falls when going up on vehicle is so clumsy that you say, "orh-bi good.." he also wont scold back to you.. Blacky is so well loved in this unit that everyone want to play with him and shake hands with him.. feel so jealous.. "Paws? Blacky.."

one thing i find it interesting to share that Blacky is scared of insects.. either he will hide behind me when the insect is infront of me or he will look as if the insect is new to this world when he is lying down..

Life in K-9 (55)

hai.. pass all my station in IPPT but still fail.. why.. because the min passing rate is 18 points while i got 16.. sigh.. and i have to do it all over again..

pull up - i did 6.. so is 2 pts
sit up - 45.. 5 pts
standing board jump - 232.. 3 points
shuttle run - 9.8 sec.. 5 points
2.4km run -12.35 - 1 points..

either i do more pull up to gain more points.. or i run faster a bit in my 2.4km run.. haha..

Randomness (38)

argh, i miss the match of the season due to shift work.. but im damn happy to see my favourite team beat Chelsea 1-0.. i will be watching the repeat telecast though.. hopefully they have turn the corner and go on a winning run..

Life in K-9 (54)

seriously, i cant believe what the management is doing.. wheeling and shifting personnel here and there as if it is like a playground.. send someone back to sembawang DRC.. send me to changi.. regulars asking to post to changi or even transfer out..

i think i will make a final decision about whether to stay at CSB until i ord or coming back to HQ after my IPPT.. Of all the stations i fear most, chin-up is a big headache.. if i could just nick a pass, i will stay at CSB.. if i fail, then i have to see what my ops officer have to say when i laid all my aces down with a telephone call to him..

why have to wait until IPPT? for now, my main worry is only IPPT.. once i clear it, i will have a crystal clear idea where i will be..

the politics is too much to bear.. do we SC really have to keep our mouth shut and just serve for them.. i admired my former team colleague who did that to them and he is still attached to HQ..

my IPPT is just five days away.. at the moment, i can only do 3 chin up.. and i have to do another 3 in order to pass..

Life in K-9 (53)

now i know why those who been to CSB called this place a heaven.. no doubt about it.. no stress.. no eyes watching what you doing even when you are in locker.. now i donno whether i should go back to HQ or stay at CSB.. both places want me.. not that im trying to be proud, but my humble reply is, "i have no power to say where i want to go or stay.. is the management.. even i try to stay in HQ also no use.. if they give me a choice, i will like to stay now, not because i starting to like this place, but is because of one person that i dont want to see, and that is my former TL..if after 3 months, they want me back to HQ, i also cant argue back.."

the people seem to trust me alot.. even understudy for selarang park just need one shift, after that you are on your own.. the foot patrol at there is legendary.. i finish it in about 15 mins.. is like tracking with your dog on a path to find criminals..fast pace..

Confused decisions

woohoo.. some one is angry that his ideal partner is been snatched by other guys.. this guy in the first place, shouldnt be angry with those guys who are trying to woo her.. he should be angry is his gf.. if her heart is faithful, she will stay with her bf no matter how hard the trial is or how long the trial is.. no prizes for guessing who this girl is, she is none other than my ex-friend..

even when i meet her for the first time and the last time at her birthday celebration.. she say that she will patch up with this current bf.. i was like, "huh.. just because some guys like her, she have to break up with her bf.. and after the situation settled in her own way, she patch back.."

so can anyone feel my anger back then.. thank you.. the anger no longer exists, the wound is slowing healing.. all thanks to God.. for taking away this bad feeling by giving me love, care and concern by my friends, colleague and family..