Clarifications

wait.. some clarifications to avoid misunderstanding..

- firstly, i dont considered the previous post as a personal problem to me.. my only personal problem, i will not disclosed no matter what.. some things are better left unsaid..

- secondly, i did not blame anyone or point any finger.. it just that the essential ingredients for the relationship isnt there.. communication, trust and faith.. none was there..

- thirdly, acting as a spiritual support doesnt means that i wont rule out her in the future.. maybe in the past, i was naive to think that she will be my future partner.. but now is the time to move on.. if she have found hers, i will gladly give my blessings to her.. who knows, maybe i find mine in poly (hahahahaha) or in the working world..

7 yrs is not a short time.. but i find it ironic that in the bible, God also say that a slave can only work for his master for 7 years before he is free.. or how about this, a debt is to be clear by the 7th yr or it will deem void?? haha, just joking.. dont link it, if not all relationship can only last for 7 yrs..

Letting go after 7 years

im writing this post with a heavy heart.. but the blow is not that hard as i have pondered about it for quite a long time..

i decided to let go a person whom i hold so dearly for 7 years.. if there is a reason to give, i cant find a reason.. but i find that for a relationship to grow, there should be give and take.. and it also take two hands to clap.. both are not present in this relationship.. firstly, i find myself giving all this while.. and secondly, i send 10 emails to her, none replied.. thirdly, she say she want to have fellowship, i tried to get her msn address to chat with her when she was in overseas, also no answer.. i did tried to call her, but trying to find a topic to talk was hopeless for me..

if people were reading this post that im foolish.. i have every reason to argue back.. firstly i only go in a relationship which is the first and the final.. what for go for so many? gain experience or going 'shopping'? secondly, financially stable.. if you go on a date, money for dinner, movie comes from your own pocket or parents' hard-earned money?

i have shared this with some of my friends.. when she is in overseas, she is another person.. but back in singapore, she will take me as a spiritual support.. if she have any chance to read upon my blog.. only words to say to her is, if im still regarded as your spiritual support.. i will gladly be one, that all.. nothing more nothing less.. i better make a stand or else i will be taken for a free ride.. yes, i do know that im not in a state to go into a relationship.. but i do not wish to wait in such a way the blow will be harder and a much bitter pill to swallow..

Trusting face

im feeling very amused right now.. do i really have a look of trusting face? or did my forehead got write, "trusting guy!!"??

haven even know my colleagues well enough, one of them tell me a secret.. she still add in this disclaimer, "dont worry, the others donno.. you are the first.." sure or not, i give her the benefit of doubt..

is like there are some details i didnt even think or want to ask, it will just fall onto my laps prefectly.. but there are some questions which i want the answers, till now still no answers.. how ironic..

First day of work

Tuesday was my first day of work.. understudy as i get to learn the ropes.. tired and muscle ache due to long holiday at home.. haha.. NS do nothing mah.. sit down stay with dog and sleep..

slowly i get the hang of the work through the last 2 days plus today.. my body also slowly adapting to the work load.. and also good thing was i get to know my colleagues fast and able to enjoy the working environment, if not i will be very lonely.. haha..

oh ya, by the way, before the first day of work, the person who interviewed me say i need to multi-task.. the words are good to hear.. but i was wrong.. i need to do 3 person's work and i only got paid for one person's work.. hai.. now i know why there are still so many people who are jobless..

New chapter of life

Today first day of work.. i take some emotional lugguage with me in the first step on the corporate world regarding about the previous post..

the punishment i received is double.. the pain is double.. and the time to erase the pain also double.. hai..

at least im better now.. the previous post, i was thinking of where is my happiness, my smile, my carefree mind, etc.. so you all could imagine how bad it was.. hai..

hopefully the new chapter of my life will able to let me lessen the emotional lugguage, ease the pain, and forget the past.. but the scar lingered.. =/

Randomness (46)

sigh.. yesterday night cannot sleep.. donno why.. every few hours wake up and eyes will stare blankly at the ceiling.. even today go for work also dont feel tired, but very restless..

the space around me seem closer and closer.. im grasping for fresh air around me.. but all i find is rope on my neck, people crowding around me expecting me something which i donno what is it..

last weekend went to church, i felt very at ease and very peaceful as if something heavy have lifted off my shoulders.. but after a few days, the peace is no longer there.. i feel so lost..

i wanted to shout to get some attention, but my mouth is gagged.. i need help, but it deserted me.. i want it my own way, but it goes the other way.. i want a listening ear, but advise and scoldings are upon me..

i did promised to myself that i wont ask anyone for help anymore if not, it will only sink me deeper into oblivion and also escaping the problem.. why i didnt saw the escape route earlier, im now on highway, on the route to death..

dont ask me what is it.. for my mouth will never speak out what i have done.. it will remain in my heart, my mind, and a lesson learnt till the day im gone..

no other people are involved in it.. is my full responsibility that i started it and i shall be the one to end it.. but i cant take it anymore.. im tired, i want a rest, but i cant..

only hope i have is, for the month of August to end..

alone in despair.......................................

sign off with a heavy sigh, with a troubled mind plus a reluctant heart..

Randomness (45)

eating snake at the moment, using my friend's office computer to blog..

wah.. i find this world very practical sia.. yesterday sent out 10 resumes.. and only 1 replied.. thurs interview.. hai.. have to wear formal liao.. have to bring relevant documents to secure the job even though the caller didnt specifically mentioned it..

even though im working part time at the moment, the income supplement is not enough.. $5 per hr.. and is only a few days per week.. that why i need to find a full time job.. i need to refresh my memories what i have learn in ite is fully forgotten in the 2 yrs of NS.. argh.. going to do some crash course in accounting..

IMF/World Bank in Singapore

woohoo.. im not involved in the world bank.. hahaha.. phew.. i have been dreading for the call for days.. kind of acted too fast in applying for it..

now i can concentrate of securing a full time job while working part time for my tuition teacher at the moment..

Missed Blacky

i miss blacky!! i dont think other dogs can replace him in my heart already..

i miss his whining..
i miss his salute upon command..
i miss his one kind of attitude when giving commands to him.. he will give a 'hack-care' attitude but will still do it.. haha..
i miss his car-sickness that he will vomit in the car everytime.. and im not complaining that i have to clean up the mess..
i miss his loyalty that he only listen to the handler's command and not other people..
i miss his way of greeting people.. stick out his arms to shake hand without fail..

when i first take him, only a few people know that this dog was first handled by Chee Kok Jin.. after passing out from the basic handling course, more and more people get to know him and love him until the dog trial.. after that, everyone all knows him.. i dont even mind he is taking all the credit.. he deserve it after all.. he is way too special.. he shouldnt have let us handle him in the first place.. only special people like Chee Kok Jin deserve to handle him.. i dont deserve to handle him.. i merely taking care of him all this while..

Life in K-9 (74)

hai.. Blacky go back to HQ to be trained by the kennel hand.. but somehow the person who come and take the dog back is none other than Chee Kok Jin.. i dont think Blacky will be hand over to the kennel hand permanently.. but merely handle him just to take the handling allowance.. haha.. whatever the actual reason is, i believe that Blacky will still be under the care of Chee Kok Jin..

im having a mixed feeling right now.. one is sad, as though someone whom you with together for the last 1 and 1/2 yrs, suddenly just leave you without notice or answer.. the pain is there.. but hope through working will able to ease the pain.. another one is happy that in a way or another, Blacky is back to the rightful owner..

today i thought i can ord peacefully.. thought can get IC and go out celebrate.. but to my horror, i have to go back again tomorrow just to collect the IC.. not only that, today went 3 places.. SOC, K-9 HQ and changi base.. just to collect signatures.. pengz.. but at least tomorrow i can go and collect my IC with peace..

ORD

some great news to announced..

1) ORD lor!! =p

2) Blacky wont be going back to HQ as the kennels there are full with those new dogs coming in.. will go back one of these days to see him and give him a good scrub.. he on holiday so song until no one want to bathe him.. ee, blacky smelly!!

3) had a heart to heart talk with someone who have not been very good terms with him since TRACOM.. found out that the things i did in HQ that spread to other sub bases were like a forest fire.. well, you all know what happened when i transfer to changi sub base.. no one give me the chance to redeem for what i did in HQ.. i earned back the chance in these 7 months in changi base.. i pull out the fire on my own.. and proved them wrong.. and also say to them, "dont believe in gossips!! it move people to prove them wrong all the more.if you want to know the person from the start, start afresh and dont listen from gossips and make judgement!!" this lesson doesnt learn from book one hor!!

Cab fare increased

2 weeks have gone since the cab fare increase, and i only took 4 times.. and i dont want to take.. die die also not taking.. yeah, i know that Singapore cab fare is the lowest compared to Hong Kong, London.. but im not working.. why should i be the one that is paying for the cab diesel cost..

i rather wake up early, take a bus or the train, add in some sweat-smelling armpits that struck in front of me, to my destination..

let do some calculation.. say we take the maximum transport expenses of $4.. $2 to office, another $2 back home.. 1 month is about $120..

taxi.. "uncle, changi!!" uncle hear already, grin from face to face.. reach destination, uncle's bright white teeth showing you and say, "kao liao.. $10.. thank you! eh, want me to fetch you to and fro everyday? hehehe.." one month can help him pay his cab rental and diesel liao.. $300..

if i reject uncle's offer, and instead opt to save about $180.. what do you think the uncle will say?

i give up on friendster liao.. hai.. add friends but the number of friends still the same or will be lesser by the day..

Happy Birthday 2006

right.. happy birthday.. a day of celebration and happiness.. but to me, i find this day normal leh.. haha.. maybe i miss the boat of celebration 2 yrs back.. other than that is pretty mundane to me..

Overall experience in NS

As at this time, i hereby announced that im an ORD personnel.. hehehe..

2 yrs of National Service.. im finally a man.. hahaha..

6 months of Physical Training in TRACOM, 1 1/2 yrs in Dog Unit.. learn alot of things where books cant teach.. im happy that my last days in Dog Unit was happy memories.. but sad to leave Blacky.. now im hoping they wont take Blacky back to HQ.. if not, i will never have the chance to see him again..

Dollar and Sense

Yesterday watched the debut episode of Dollar and Sense, hosted by Bryan Wong.. this is a game show where 4 celebrities have the same amount of money which they can invest.. as times goes by, they face some difficulties like big problem, small problem, bankrupt or good news..

as a person who went through a course where money is mattered in ite, these are tips to be shared.. there is only one lesson that i shared but yet never applied on my own.. =/

1) dont apply for credit card.. the interest is the highest among housing loan, car loan..

2) in case of emergency, you must have at least 3-6 months of savings..

3) the lowest risk and lowest investment is fixed deposit.. this is the one that i had shared before.. but didnt applied because i dont have the minimum savings that required for the fixed deposit.. i remember got one newspaper report saying that now alot of elderly people are putting their savings in fixed deposit just to earn interest.. shake leg also got interest coming in.. eh, can share some interest to me.. i no money leh.. hehehe

4) if want to buy a car, make sure your salary is above 2k.. eh, i think i go and sleep and dream about it.. hai.. when is this dream going to be granted..

5) want to save, save more than 50% of your salary if can.. this is the most difficult lesson people can ever applied in life.. im not excluded as well.. but because of my family problems, i have to help them.. unless you are high-flier like some celebrities or businessman.. you never know when is the rain will come.. think for yourself instead of the materialistic things that you intend to get..

for me, as long as there is shoes, clothes to wear, food to eat, bed to sleep.. im contended.. i dont care how outside people look at me.. even handphone also want to gone case, i not complaining either.. my intention now is go through the storm with my family..i cant blame my family for the cause that they have gone through..i can only trust God who deliver.. the tips that i given is 100% harmless.. it will definitely come in handy..

Moonlighting

jobs are all out there to find.. in the internet, in the newspaper.. apply through agencies..

but the job im currently doing is slave work for my tuition teacher friend because i could only work until end of Aug.. after which, the World Bank Conference in sep, i will somehow be there.. not as a policeman or reservist.. hahah.. only certain people know.. think will surprise my former colleagues in the dog unit.. hehehe..

only then, im free to work outside.. this is what i call bumming around.. haha.. from helping my tuition teacher to world bank conference to outside job..

minci, i donno what job you looking for.. maybe i can help you.. only thing i cant help is resume.. is damn hard to write lor.. hai..

the last 2 weeks are hell to me.. watch world cup then go to work.. off days also go and work.. then i think it to myself, "wah, if like that work, i dont have time for myself.. no no.. cannot.." after that, discuss with my tuition teacher friend..

Tuition Teacher

few days back, i went to see a teacher who is currently teaching at a tuition agency as i was looking for a job, hence on the way meet up with her..

the last time i saw her was like in year 2001.. i donno her age but she is in clubbing scene since the first day i know her at a private school.. she look totally different now leh.. my curiousity overwhelms and somehow the conversation goes like this..

Me: "wah, so long never see you, you change alot.."

she: "Ya, you also what.."

Me: -___- "ya ya.. but i dont think you teach until stress and your look change overnight.."

she: "no lah.. you know that i was in clubbing, right? aiya, just say that, too much clubbing ruin my youth..."

me: "huh.. i dont get you.. "

she: "personal problems lah.. then went to pub to drown my sorrow lor.. drink too much, that why i look quite terrible now.."

me: "orh.. binge drinking.."

she: "yeah.. sigh......... dont learn from me.. you still look quite young despite your age is 23.."

me: "wah pian, always meet up kana suan.. never suan me one day cannot one leh.."

she is one example where in the newspaper reports that girls are on the rise of binge drinking.. nowadays, girls dont really look like their age have stated.. but look over-matured.. just walk down the street, i can see guys and girls walking together in a relationship, my impression of that couple would be, "is that girl his sister or what? or the guy is her brother??"

i donno whether i should count my youth as a blessing or not.. =/

Looking for jobs

Now looking for jobs at the moment.. make some phone calls, send some emails.. Basket, all calls and mails come in at the same time, at the same day.. and ask me for an appointment at the same time, at the same day which is tomorrow.. what the hell.. eh, i cant appear like 2 places at a time, provided i have a person who look exactly like me, or i have a clone machine.. that wont be a problem..

World Cup 2006

World cup is here again.. held in germany from jun 9 - jul 9.. 32 teams fight over for the ultimate prize.. think will create another blog for it..

here is the address: http://cool402-worldcup06-germany.blogspot.com/

Dog Handler Required

hai.. my request is denied yet again.. sigh..

WANTED: A dog handler who is able to maintain or better still, improve Blacky's obedience..

REQUIREMENT: Top 5 in Dog Assessment every year.. (this one not i say one, is the mdm from changi base..)

INFO on knowing the dog better: Ask Chee Kok Jin or myself.. wahahaha..

this dog has already earn a place in my heart.. dont think any dog or any person can take away this place..