Lowest ebb

Today is a day where all kinds of feelings come into play. And for the first time that i could remembered, today is the day that i feel the lowest. Compared to the past incidents where i have no control for what i have done, today is also the day where i did nothing yet still in low spirits.

I dont know whether is it because of work or because of my own actions in the past incidents where consequences have started to haunt me. But i only know that i have admit to what i have done and take full responsibilities of it. If the feeling is due to both work and past incidents, i have to run the full course.

There is no way to run away or escape from it. Sometimes i wish i could have a heart to heart talk with someone that im close to or to go to the beach where im comfortable with, sit down and stare blankly into the sky.

My mind right now is very tired from the undue stress.

For a change

A blink of an eye and 2009 is coming to a close. This is a year which i would rather not remembered. This is the year where anything that could happen, have happen.

All my goals and ambitions that i wished to achieve or complete for this year is put on hold till next year. Not that i wanted to procrastinate but rather the wrong steps that i took.

Every year is the same old thing where you wish to have a good and prosperous year, yet get to see and do the wrong things all over again. The only wish i have right now is not to have history repeat all over again.

Wishlist for 2010:
1. Get a job that i really like and love doing rather than for the sake of money
2. Complete my unfinished targeted goals
3. Live a contented life, work hard to achieve the dream as there is no short-cut to success
4. Work in overseas
5. Get a girlfriend (im laughing out loud myself over this wish.. hahahahha)

Speaking of which, the last wish is something that i intend to salvage. The time and committment is still not there where i admit other priorities came first such as my family and my work.

Pursuing dreams

1 month plus into the attachment, I have know the answer whether the job is suitable for me.

Im more or less know the path that is been lay out in front of me.

I would rather pursue something that achieve my goal, my ambition and my dream, rather than pursuing for money.

Money cant buy everything, especially happiness and satisfaction.

Im not saying that im dissatified, but rather this job is not meant for me.

I miss being a little boy

LOL!! I just couldnt resist posting it. Every men will definitely want to be in those little boys' position and take advantage. Though chances of shouting rape or molest is very slim, I doubt Singapore women will allow little boys to do such a thing. The most they will teach the little boy a lesson. I wonder what else Singapore women will do if they are in the situation?

Dilemma

Currently im on 6 months attachment and the environment suits me. Fast-paced but very stressful. However, the only downside of the job is when you did something wrong, the consequences is double-fold.

I have 4 months to go before my attachment ends, and with the only route after graduation is to work. And i got to make a major decision which allows me to stay after my attachment or to find another company.

That's where my dilemma comes in. I know the economy is picking up and banks have started hiring people. I also know that i have to start from bottom of the ladder and gain experience before jumping ship or whatsoever. I need to find something that really interests me.

Im quite interested being a trader, be it in forex or stock. But i need the certification before being a trader. Im still keeping my options open should my current attachment have openings for a full-time job.

At the mean time, the road ahead is dark and unclear to me.

Rebuilding

With the problem firmly behind me, i've began to realise that certain goals are impossible to reach given the limited resources and time. Thus, all the advice given to me at that time is priceless to me now.

Everyone have their goals and ambitions to fulfil. Same goes for me but i have to bear in mind of the realistic goals to fulfil, not impossible goals anymore. You could imagine how risk-adverse, ambitious and advantageous i am at that time.

Now i take one step at a time, taking each day at it is. Guess it's also the time to find back all my interests or pursue new hobbies to keep me content and humble.

New chapter of life

I have finally put an end to my problems and troubles. This chapter of my life will considered the darkest and the most expensive lesson i have encountered.

Currently starting a new chapter in life in my 6 months attachment. I would consider lucky that i didnt bring any emotional lugguage along. The line between work and personal life is so clear that i only mentioned work to those whom i have know in my training class.

A sincere gratitude to those who stand by me during these period of time especially Jaywalk, my poly friends (Yue Yang and Kok Seng), my pastor and brothers and sisters in Christ, my academic manager and tutors who got to know about it.

Thank you and i believe that i have owed alot of favours to these people.