Overview of the story

This will be my last post for the year. I know that by saying out this story will not only open several cans of worms, and to suffer repercussions. But what had been done, is done. I will be taking full responsibility of what is been told here.

I am writing this to everyone that got to know my difficulties and problems earlier this year. I am grateful for the moral support and everything that God have given to sustain me. But I find that it's come to a point where I feel like giving up everything.

I believe that in this post, are those curious readers, strangers, etc that happen to read my family's problems since day 1. Family buy shop from bank, business not picking up, shop sold at a loss and had to call relatives for help to fund the losses. And family got into debt that never clear till now.

After that, I came into the picture, with the intention to help. But who knows that I caused even more trouble to my family. It's was a lesson that forever etched in my mind. Recently, my mind began to think of the incidents that I have done in the past and was overwhelmed with guilt.

The reason why i mentioned i feel like giving up everything was because of my inability to help my family over the last 3 years, where i made a decision to study full time rather than working to support the family, or even signing on for the police. At times i really wondered whether i did make the right choice. I know that i still have 2 months to go for my attachment before getting a full time job. Even getting a full time job at my current attachment could be difficult due to job fit, where im not suitable for customer service or front line. In the end, i have to do admin job, sort of like back-end operations. I am not complaining as I gained invaluable experience especially in listening and soft skills such as saying please and thank you.

At times i wanted to have a heart to heart talk with someone that i can confided in, but no one is willing to lent a listening ear. I really dont know how long i could bear with it, especially where next year i have no choice but to take up the responsibility to help my family return the debt through my hard-earned pay. Sometimes i feel that i have enough and wanted an instant resolution to it. But again, i know that that is not the way. I am not even sure of myself either, where previously i have the confidence to do it.

I hope to find my old self again.

Help in vain

On 23 Nov 2009, Parliament in Singapore amended a Bill to have stiff penalties directed at those loansharks, especially those at the top-ranking in the hierachy. In the first place, the government anticipated this problem to occur when the world was facing financial crisis in Sep 2008.

Knowing that there will be a rise in this particular crime, shouldnt the government have done something more to prevent it?

Granted that jobs will lost in the recession, overhead costs will be down and spending power will be less, yet there is a minority of people whose income level is less than 30k per annum, is rejected by the banks or financial institution when they need genuine help? Where do they go to? Plead with their ministers when they went for 'Meet-the-People' session? Seeking financial assistance from other support groups? Or finding loansharks to seek their help?

So now, the Bill had been amended but social problems will still be around. With the Intergrated Resorts in operation next year, it will be a losing fight if the government still not going to do something to help those needy people. Banks or financial institution only granted or approved loans to those whose income level is more than 30k. Yes, considering part of the social problems have to do with gambling, but what about those who really need help in their utilities bills, groceries, transport, etc? Will the support groups able to help those given the red tape?

Sever ties

19 days to go before a brand new year starts.

As usual, not going to make any resolutions as it doesnt work on me.

With exactly 2 months to go for my attachment to end, I cant wait to secure a full time job. I had enough of the past problems that besieged me these 3 years. Every year without fail, I would wondered whether the path that I took is really worth it.

Anyway, there are certain ties that i just have to sever and to cut it off. No point keeping it where resentment and anger is in place.

All the best and a Happy New Year!!