Overview of the story

This will be my last post for the year. I know that by saying out this story will not only open several cans of worms, and to suffer repercussions. But what had been done, is done. I will be taking full responsibility of what is been told here.

I am writing this to everyone that got to know my difficulties and problems earlier this year. I am grateful for the moral support and everything that God have given to sustain me. But I find that it's come to a point where I feel like giving up everything.

I believe that in this post, are those curious readers, strangers, etc that happen to read my family's problems since day 1. Family buy shop from bank, business not picking up, shop sold at a loss and had to call relatives for help to fund the losses. And family got into debt that never clear till now.

After that, I came into the picture, with the intention to help. But who knows that I caused even more trouble to my family. It's was a lesson that forever etched in my mind. Recently, my mind began to think of the incidents that I have done in the past and was overwhelmed with guilt.

The reason why i mentioned i feel like giving up everything was because of my inability to help my family over the last 3 years, where i made a decision to study full time rather than working to support the family, or even signing on for the police. At times i really wondered whether i did make the right choice. I know that i still have 2 months to go for my attachment before getting a full time job. Even getting a full time job at my current attachment could be difficult due to job fit, where im not suitable for customer service or front line. In the end, i have to do admin job, sort of like back-end operations. I am not complaining as I gained invaluable experience especially in listening and soft skills such as saying please and thank you.

At times i wanted to have a heart to heart talk with someone that i can confided in, but no one is willing to lent a listening ear. I really dont know how long i could bear with it, especially where next year i have no choice but to take up the responsibility to help my family return the debt through my hard-earned pay. Sometimes i feel that i have enough and wanted an instant resolution to it. But again, i know that that is not the way. I am not even sure of myself either, where previously i have the confidence to do it.

I hope to find my old self again.