Randomness (42)

spoke to three friends about it.. all give different answers to this problem..

- since the feeling is still there, go for it..
- you have to see for yourself, maybe you should take one step at a time..
- give up lah.. since she go back on her words..

i can feel depression is hitting me very hard on this matter.. but i told myself that i cant give up without a fight.. i want to know where i stand.. i dont like to see myself been defeated way before the fight begins..

Reflections 2005

a much needed break for 1 week only to go back to work on the new yr eve.. blah..

2006.. hmm.. what to expect.. for the first half of the yr, nothing much.. have to serve finish before i could get to do anything..

second half of the yr is what im looking for.. i blog in the earlier post about what i plan to do.. i cant wait for the time to come..

recently, i really donno how come my feelings turn out to be like this.. its freaking me out and making me very weird..

for 6 yrs, i have this feelings for this gal.. i tried to go for other gals as well.. so dont say i wasted my entire 6 yrs just for this gal.. she went for overseas studies.. she say that she want to concentrate on her studies, fair enough.. i respect her decision and wanted to maintain a constant communication through msn, but she somehow reject it..

throughout these 6 yrs from what i know, she have been through 3 relationships including now.. now this is the weirdest part, im not angry at all despite finding out from reliable sources.. the feelings is kind of on-off and when she had a failed relationship, it just give me renewed hope.. but i have to admit that i didnt put in efforts.. =
this matter, i only told one of my sister-in-christ (a hint to where i have a feeling to this gal)..

my only question is this (dont think anyone can answer this).. is she the one for me and is it worth giving up once and for all for this girl?

Life in K-9 (61)

is basically the same old stuff.. lol..

saw blacky vomit in front of my very own eyes.. he was standing in the field not doing anything. His body was kind of grumbling then it happened.

i dont think i will go back to HQ anymore. the reason is CSB is welcoming 2 HQ colleagues. both are regulars as one of them is recent signed on. i was so happy to see them on wednesday when they came to our side for training. at least there are HQ colleague which i could really work with them since they coming to CSB..i was so lonely in CSB that i want to go back to HQ..you should know the feeling of been working in HQ and have to go to CSB where people are picking on you.. i will be changing team again, most prob after chinese new yr. im seeing myself working with one of them..hehe..

i have passed my shooting.. so i left with one to go and that is my ippt..

Randomness (41)

i kept my mouth shut too long liao.. need to clarify something.. anyone know about the post where someone say that guys interested in this girl and along the line, i say that this girl's heart is not faithful.. firstly, i didnt jump to conclusions that the couple's relationship was on the rocks because of third parties or because of the girl's will of going through hardship in the relationship.. what i want to say is that the guy's profile in the friendster give me the impression, not that i want to jump to conclusion. people reading it will have this impression.

secondly, the post that i mention about the relationship and now, didnt even mention that the word "break-up" and no, im not having the last laugh over what i say to this girl in the first argument in this past friendship. ever since she ended this friendship, i dont even give a damn about what is going on in her relationship. hopefully this is the last post about her in the year 2005.

now, i find out some friendster profile change coincidentally after i blog about it. "friends are not forever, sucky ones can disappear from my life..." this is the second guy whose friendster profile i mention about it in the earlier post when he request to be my friend.

from these 2 friendster profile show that they are reading my blog.. im not so sure about the first guy.. it could be the ex-female friend reading it..

i also found out some weird behaviours about girls from my female friend.. lol.. when i told her about my ex-friend call me.. she say that this ex-friend could already have feelings for me, and given though the friendship ended, she still kept my hp no.. so, what the use of keeping it?

anyway, hope i have say what i want to say about her..

for me, only thing to blog is i have the intention to buy a car next year end. well, that my ideal time frame to get, but the problem is, i donno what car to get..lol

1) mazda (what i like is the semi auto manual transmission)
2) toyota ( donno.. lol.. maybe is more suitable for family and friends)
3) lexus ( only fancy car is RX300 but too ex at the moment, maybe in the near future..)

after much consideration, i will opt for toyota.. wonder if this brand of car got semi auto manual transmission.. (heard encores of NO!!) ok fine, thank you!!

What to do after ORD

hmm.. what to do after i ord??

some options here -

1) as a driver (reasons: erm, i drive police vehicles..lol.. and already got 3 yrs driving experience)

2) as a dog handler( reason: oh, spend my 1 1/2 yrs in dog unit.. handles quite a number of dangerous dogs.. compare to pet dogs, is nothing)

3) as a bumming around student (further studies for obvious reasons)

4) as a white collar worker (specialise in accounts, tax, audit)

7 more months to ord and no more uniformed groups.. i dont care about where im posted anymore.. be it in HQ, changi or other parts of singapore, i dont give a damn anymore.. as long i did my job, wait for my pay to come on the 12th.. im easily contented.. lol.. what for trying so hard when you cant get the things that you want.. maybe i will take it as a blessing in disguise for the posting to changi.. coming year end, time to review what i have did during this year and making resolution for the new year.. later post then..

The call

0511pm, my hp rings.. 9xxxxxx9.. this no very familiar.. eh, is my ex-friend's hp no.. i didnt pick up the first time as i donno why she called in the first place.. so the phone stop, i heaved a sigh of relief..

0512pm, same no again.. i was feeling very uneasy and piss off seeing the no now.. what does she want? so i took a deep breath and pick up the call..

me: "hello?"
caller: "where are you?"
me: "who is this?"
caller: "NICOLE!! where are you?"
me: "huh?"
caller: "where are you?"
me: "at home.."
caller: "eh..wait a min, hai.. called the wrong gary.."

i end the call without saying anything.. my no is still with her.. is it because i will give a prank call to her.. or sms to her.. i wont do that so long as the friendship is not there.. i have already deleted the no when the friendship is over..

note to someone whom i believe still read my blog.. pls delete the no as i dont want to have anything to do with you..

Donation denied

shit man today.. saw mr ungentleman at PS.. and those girls asking for donations at PS entrance.. picture this.. infront of me there is a group of girls.. and i saw this girl targeting me for my attention.. she never went for that group of girls, she went for me instead.. i saw her coming, but she was too fast.. she plead with me to part my $5 for a key-chain.. call me kor kor.. say she will go down on her knees to beg me and have stand at there for quite long.. in the end, i never give my $5 to her and also apologise to her.. yes, i was alone..

one thing, i never trust in all these surveys, donations or details about me through strangers walk up to me.. i got trick into one.. so if you have to blame, blame that person..

Life in K-9 (60)

just called DY earlier in the evening.. he say he will bring me back on the condition that the new intake undergo SD training for another 3 months.. and i also told him what my mdm have advice me..

i realised alot of things regarding about my transfer to CSB.. firstly, i find the transfer as a blessing in disguise.. so-call a break from the stressful working environment..

secondly, those regulars in HQ have shift all the blame on me where they should be doing part of the security.. now they are suffering.. talking about not doing and now have to force to do it.. but they are not stupid either.. can call up to the prison and say not enough manpower..

i have a point to prove to them when im fully recharged and back to haunt them..